getting spouse involved before bad health take over

[Suemo73]

Hi all Im not sure if this is where I should be posting so please let me know if its the wrong place,

Im dilema is my spouse

I have challenged myself my whole life with weight loss and aways thought my body wasnt great. I blamed my parents for alone time as i grew up with : fat is ugly" but at the end of the day its true we are all here to help get fit and healthy and improve ourself in body image too. when you loose weight you always look better than you did. you look younger, skin looks healthier. so yes in a weird way its true.

anyway off topic here.

my spouse of 24 years has gain weight with me. and as i have  always tried to involve him in my exercising he just tells me he does enough physical activity at work. I would love to have the support from him but he will sit there and eat fatty burgers, deep fried food. i try to tell him what he is doing in unhealthy but I get. fitness is your thing not mine. I hate seeing it and I know that he is sick and he is pushing himself into an early grave but it always turns into an disagreement. so Ive stopped. 

I made my own gym with all equipment and asked him to join in with me. he did it for a week well 3 days of the week and was very sore. when I asked him to join me again he told me I dont have time. I started setting alarms on my phone to help him prepare. I would send him texts during the day to invite him on a workout date. lol but it didnt work. Im out of ideas. and need help. 

I feel that as i develop a love for fitness we are driffing apart with things in common. he loves cars and building them and I have developed this love with him over the years but now my focus is getting fit. I have a long way to go still and I feel that if we could do it together he would enjoy it. 

Im so worried for his health that when he does decide to get ontop of it it will be after a health scare or something but I would like to help him before it comes to that. 

Im 41 and he is 42 and we still have many years left in us. but I dont want to do those years on my own.

[Odyssey13]

@Suemo73  You are a sweet, caring, loving and wonderful wife. All you can do now is to back off your husband and take care of yourself. No matter what, continue the path you've set and be the example for him. As much as you love the man and it shows, there is no way you can make him change unless and until he faces it himself. It could be a health scare that triggers this change or it might be that your sticking to a healthier routine rubs off on him.

As a wife, I can tell you that our nagging (yeah, I hate the word, too) only pushes them further away from what we want them to do. We humans are a most stubborn species and sometimes the hardest thing we can do is to wait patiently. You must put your love into action by silently showing your huband what he could achieve with a few changes. Don't pressure him because that just puts more stress on the man.

My guy knew for years he needed to lose weight and adopt a healthier lifestyle. It took several years for him to begin watching his food portions. One burger instead of two was an improvement. Salad instead of fries was another accomplishment. Little by little the changes came. He still needs to eat a bit better and get more exercise, but then, so do I.

It's a fine line we walk as caring spouses. I'm sure there are some men out there who have the same concerns for their wives and haven't been able to reach them.

Have one last talk with him. Let him know you're there if he has any questions or wants to join in your activities. Tell him that you love him and won't put any pressure on him to change, but that you plan to get healthier. Then give him a hug and a kiss and walk away your frustrations. Sometimes that really is all we can do.

We're here for you. If you want to vent or cry, this community is full of caring, wonderful people. Seriously, I'm only a message or post away.

Hang in there. Never quit. You can do this.

[Suemo73]

@Odyssey13  Thank you for your kind words, reading your reply brought tears as stepping back I know is proberly the best thing to do. but one of the hardest. I have been cooking receips our of simply too good to be true books and he eats them all. not one helping but two. lol old habits again. 

I will try asking once more like you have surgested. enter the conversation and back off if it head to that disagreement. 

I find I struggle with my healthy eating more when he grabs take out so I have to up my will power due to having to odd comment of "why what wrong with it" if i refuse food. 

all I want to do is please him but I have to please myself first. he supports me but tell me that he doesnt want my fitness to turn into an addiction. but it does for me . I go one way or the other. full on into to stay focus or I give up. I cant do things in halfs. Its just not me. 

So from this day forward. my focus is ME. He can sit on the sideline and watch until he feel the need to join me. so I will wait until he says " If i can break your habit I'll join you. 

thank you for the advice. will Keep you updated. 

Mine if I add you on my friends list. 

enjoy you Day/Evening whichever it maybe, 

[Odyssey13]

@Suemo73  It will be the hardest thing you've ever done. Think of it as the tough love concept. You love your husband enough to let him endure some hard times so he will face the truth.

If you continue to push him into a healthier lifestyle, he could drift further away. He has to see the benefits of being more fit and you're the one he'll be watching. As he's pursuing other interests, maybe he's using them to keep busy so he won't think about the changes he needs to make.

Concentrate on yourself right now. Keep fixing healthier meals and doing the best you can while you wait for him. Don't give up hoping for the best for your husband. Just don't try to push anything on him that he's not ready to receive.

I'm on the east coast of the USA. Actually, headed for a few days vacation Thursday morning. You can send a friend request by clicking on my name, then my Fitbit profile. Click to "friend" and it will send the request to me.

Continue the journey you've begun and be happy knowing you are making a difference.

[Kibbles314]

I've never been married, but my current partner and I are in the throes of a 3 month weight loss competition. We are both very competitive, so it was a good way to spur us into action. I've been focused on my weight a long time, and after losing about 35 pounds over a year ago had regained about 15 of that in the past months. It was a nice way to get me back on track, and to get him started. I've been trying to focus on eating clean, and exercise. He on the other hand has been focused entirely on how severe he can make his calorie deficit. I'm talking eating around 500 calories per day, or sometimes nothing at all. Despite my protests and concerns about his health, he had been very clear he resents any diet advice, and that I should let him lose weight in his own way.

So that's what I'm doing. He's dropping weight like a rock (he still has 60 lbs to go, whereas I'm down to 10, so I've slowed down as he's picked up) and claims not to feel any severe side effects from so much fasting. He will listen to my opinions, and we debate which way is best, but in the end the best thing was to let him be.

I think encouraging smaller, healthier changes would be the way to go. An overhaul like making him work out 3 days in one week when he's used to 0 will make him hate it. Sometimes the best changes are the ones you don't feel. Like drinking water instead of soda when you go out to eat. Or having a veggie and egg omelet at breakfast instead of pancakes. Maybe go out for a 30 minute walk one day a week or something, and slowly add more days and time. There's plenty of ways to change little things that will slowly push out the bad, without making him resentful. The more you push him, the more he'll pull away. Focus on you, encourage the healthy things he does, and perhaps he will slowly come around. Good luck 🙂

[LizaD]

My hubby does not like fitness. He often says, "I hate running. I hate dieting." He has to be in semi decent shape for the Navy 2Xs a year when they test his fitness level. During the time leading up to that test, he works out- eats right- and looks GREAT. Then, like clockwork after the test, he goes back to eating bad and gains lots of weight. It's a cycle of bad choices! I don't know how to help him. I have tried talking to him, supporting him and motivating him. He gets very annoyed when I bring up his weight. Any tips?????

[WendyB]

@LizaD Read @Odyssey13 Post above.

Your DH has to want to help himself. You can't force him to do something he doesnt want to do. He needs to do it for himself