Chats, Challenges & Laughs 2nd home

[Cele21]

For all my Chats, Challenges & Laughs peeps! Since we can't get on the threads I thought I would start a discussion area for us. We may not be able to keep track of points standings easily but we can still talk.

I miss you!

[Glenda]

Margaret, Elaine and I all live in states listed in the top 10 with the WORST weather.  Texas is said to be the worst weather by far.  "There is aways a reason you can't go outside."  (Maybe the worst is Houston for that.  Dallas isn't so bad)

             I have learned the fastest easiest way to lose lots of weight, ..........but I can't recommend it.  A little food poisoning works well and lasts 1 - 4 days.  I ate a bit of baked chicken that I suspected might be too old to be eating, especially since I can't smell anything.  Bad mistake, but I only weigh 115 today.  You dump lots of water.  They say maybe a chance of dehydration but not for me.    This is the second day since I did that and I don't really feel I want to eat much of anything.  Maybe I'm a bit afraid.   I feel fine.  I read somewhere that we are not supposed to be eating continuously  anyway.  I'm sometimes guilty of that I think.

[MargaretG139]

Saturday - 4 (Broke my steps streak, but not agonizing over that)

Sunday - 3 (Exercise, Tracking and pretty sure I got all my water)

I'm have off from work today since today would have been the second or third rain date for graduation. Glad I took off as my oldest is still here. Here boyfriend came yesterday and they are heading out today for Ocean City Maryland where they will spend the rest of the week. It was nice to have both girls here for Father's Day.

[CJ_Here]

Enjoying all the updates.  So much I could comment on and so little time.  I have been definitely jumping in the car with hubby for unhealthy treats.  Today is the start, again, and I spied nothing but leftover junk around the house and thought, "I really don't have to start just because it's Monday".  Ugh.  So far I haven't eaten anything but really need to since our contractor is finally starting our bathroom project today.  Hard to believe he's still estimating it to be a month long project.  I am not looking forward to losing our privacy for that long.  So, when you had your work done, @ElaineJ27 , did you just pretend they weren't there?  Or, did you offer them beverages or food?  Did they use your bathroom?

[Cele21]

When it comes to treats or junk food, how far are you willing to go for it? Are you determined to have regardless of whether you need to make a special trip for it or is it only when it's a matter of convenience and if it's out of sight it's out of mind?

This is a bit of a mixed question for me. Treats for me are sweets, ice cream, shakes, cookies, cake, etc. Junk food would encompass chips, dips and most fast food, which, as I've posted many times before, is my downfall. I can pass up sweets all day with no problem. As a matter of fact I still have a small jar of Halloween candy that I designated 'mine only' so hubby wouldn't eat it all and I'm slowly allowing him to eat some of it because I'm hardly eating any of it. We have ice cream currently in the freezer that I have not touched. We tossed a half of a store bought 7-up cake because I forgot about it. 

Junk food? Chips and dip last maybe two days. Fast food? There are so many choices within a 10 minute drive that practically nothing is out of the way. There is literally something in every direction - burgers, chinese, mexican, sandwiches, pizza. It is so easy that there is no need to be determined to get it so much as deciding which one are we getting or are we going to "be good" and eat at home?

What I do get tastes for that will make me go out of my way is a specific menu item from a restaurant that I haven't had in a long while. Something that jogs the taste buds with a memory - and it could be any restaurant from Denny's to Panera, to the crepe place the next town over to a more expensive steak or fish place. To satisfy those cravings takes more dedication, time and money - mainly money LOL!

@MargaretG139  - Congratulations to your youngest on her graduation!

Also, I live in a suburb of Chicago, Illinois close to O'Hare airport. I'm several hours Northeast of Elaine. 

I was going to re-start a 30 day eating plan today but didn't plan well enough to go shopping for it. 

Seeing the knee/ankle doctor tomorrow afternoon.

[CJ_Here]

Mon& Tues - 2 pts (posting, logging) / taking a while to get back to drinking my water.  

[Cele21]

Saw the knee Doc yesterday. Got another cortisone shot in the left knee (bad one) and was diagnosed with tendonitis of the Achilles tendon in my right heel. I have a calcium deposit where the tendon attaches to the heel, probably due to my husband hitting me with the shopping cart back in late November, early December. He recommended a topical anti-inflammatory, alternate heat and ice, heel lifts to take the pressure off and physical therapy to stretch it. Got the topical, need to locate the heel lifts and will be talking to the PT place later this week.

[Katrin]

Hi Everyone,

So my boyfriend and I are fighting again except this time, I really screwed up and it is completely my fault and I don't know if we can recover from it this time. Basically, we went to a bbq with his friends over the weekend and the combination of sun, too much alcohol and not enough food had me really make a drunken **ahem** of myself - the very first time I met any of them. He's furious with me but the reality is, I'm furious with myself. And there's more to it than that. I'm really struggling with my new job and I'm not used to failure. But somehow getting fired last year from a job that was killing me (and they replaced me with 3 people) and then jumping in to this and then having the set-back of my adeno diagnosis and surgery and still feeling queasy and nauseated pretty much every day - I've just really taken a beating physically, mentally and emotionally.

I realize, I'm not okay and haven't been for 6 months at least or maybe more. I think I've probably been in burn out mode for close to a year - probably ever since I went back on travel in July with the covid anxiety real and present every single week. Lately, for a month or more, I just feel like a failure at life in general - watching the savings deplete while working my tail off on my feet at a low paying retail job and meanwhile spinning my wheels on my magazine going nowhere and earning nothing. My sister told me about a month ago that my mom asked her if I'm okay and my sister told her "no" but with the idea that my parents should back off from relying on me to do so much for them right now. I'm afraid that it only caused my mom to worry more. Starting about 3 or 4 weeks ago, my boyfriend starting doing what felt like picking on me about it. I believe what he was saying in a way is I'm better than this and I should move on and find some real money with my skillset but I didn't actually hear it like that. What I heard was a reflection of my own feelings that I basically am sucking right now which has slowly morphed into the feeling that I suck. Hard stop.

So I believe how I behaved over the weekend was a manifestation of burnout, depression and generally feeling crappy about me and in my own body right now. I don't know if he will forgive me and I kind of don't want to be forgiven. I feel so crappy about me that I feel like he should move on and leave me to wallow in my own crappiness - that he deserves so much better than me. I just don't feel worthy of someone like him right now and that he's better off without me. Then, at the same time, I can't stand to lose one of the best things in my life right now.

My best friend, who I spoke with the very next day, feels like he is being too hard on me. She feels like everyone has a night like that and everyone should forgive and forget since we've all been there. At the time, I agreed with her and felt okay. But I didn't tell her what I just told you all - that I just generally feel so bad about myself that I don't want forgiveness. I kind of want it to hurt and keep hurting more.

So if someone said this to me, I'd be a little freaked out that they might be suicidal. I'm not, so please don't worry. I'm just a little numb. I feel like I screwed up my life last year somehow and I'm really struggling to back on solid footing.

However, I've had nothing to drink since the weekend (and several drinks a night has become a regular habit for me over the past 6 months or so) and from a combination of boredom, listening to my body, depression and exhaustion, I've been in bed early every night this week. As a result, I woke up this morning at 5:30 (well before my 6am alarm) and got in a decent walk and my meditation and some reading and a bite of breakfast. I had a similar day yesterday except I slept in until about 6:15 and did strength training. I see maybe even 3 sales on my horizon for this week (after none in months) and I got my first referral yesterday. Also, my weight is down a bit - due in part to cutting booze but also due to queasiness I've been eating less.

I guess what I'm saying is that I hope that this weekend was my rock bottom and that I'm somewhat on the mend. I also feel like I need to work on myself a little - get my life in order - and maybe a little break from my boyfriend to allow myself to do that (and him too) would be a good idea. I see a better future for me but I regret the damage I've done to some of my relationships while I'm going through this difficult transition.

[Katrin]

Lol - and the **ahem** was a substitution made by the platform not me. I forgot that they were censoring our language.

[ElaineJ27]

Easy stuff first:

I gained so much weight this week, I’m not giving numbers. 

@CJ_Here , our living room was done by a one-man crew (almost retirement age), whose father occasionally helped. Our couch was in the dining room and there was a plastic sheet covering the entry from the living room into the dining room/kitchen. He used the front door and we stayed in the kitchen/dining room, our bedroom (the master bath also opens into the dining room), or the basement. I’m not a coffee drinker so I didn’t have that and he went home for lunch. I would suggest that if you have coffee made, you might offer some, but I would bet they carry drinks and lunch.

Now @Katrin   First of all you didn’t screw up your life last year. You took a huge hit and were handling it fairly well. I would guess you now have a form of PTSD. 

Since I spend quite a bit of time in the “pit”, I can tell you that I often dig myself in and wallow a bit before I look for a way out. When I do look up, I focus on the things you have already started:

Alcohol compounds depression. 
Exercise releases endorphins. 
Healthier food sustains your body in this trauma state. 

Your problem with your job situation is understandable. You have always been a success. I remember wondering what was wrong with me when I didn’t get an interview for a job I didn’t even want. The employer knew my strengths. Even when I found out he hired his sister-in-law, I didn’t feel much better. 

Times are strange and hard right now. It’s good you have some leads, but it may be that now isn’t the right time for this kind of venture. I believe that your boyfriend was simply trying to point out that you have talents that may be better suited for a business that is thriving right now. 

Speaking of boyfriend, if this relationship was as strong as it appeared from your descriptions, you should be honest with him about the temporary hit to your self-worth even though the circumstances were not of your own doing. 

[CJ_Here]

@Katrin , please know that I support your efforts at continuing to turn your tough circumstances around.  @ElaineJ27  did a wonderful job at sharing my sentiments, also.  I have and still do admire your strength, intelligence and drive.  We are human.  Please be kind with yourself and don't sell yourself short.  I pray for continued sales and, when you are both ready, open sharing of feelings with your boyfriend.  

[ElaineJ27]

No golf today as there are several more water hazards! It started storming here about 11am yesterday and we are supposed to have intermittent storms for the next several days. 

Other than golf, I haven’t felt like doing anything. Hubby and I both have had headaches (unusual for him) and no energy. It must be some kind of bug although we aren’t really sick and have not had a fever. 

The only good thing is I don’t feel like eating and am craving cold water. 

[CJ_Here]

Oh, my gosh, do I blame my excess eating on the bathroom remodeling?  Terrible day yesterday.  Wondering when I'm going to get my healthy eating habit going before I just give up and go on statins.  Guess I shouldn't wish for anything, but some rain up here would be nice - not the water hazard kind; just steady rains producing about an inch at a time once every 3-4 days; please and thank you.

[MargaretG139]

@KatrinI'm just seeing your post of the 23rd now. I have to echo what both @ElaineJ27 and @CJ_Here said. Your strengh, intelligence, drive and courageness have inspired me as far back as I can remember reading your posts. The most important thing for you to do right now is to take care of yourself and based on what you wrote, you are already moving in that direction - cutting down on the alcohol, getting enough sleep, exercising and meditating. As much as you may not have an appetite, remember you need the nourishment to sustain your strength (physical, mental and emotional).

I suspect that your boyfriend was frustrated that you are busting your butt with very little to show for it. He may have viewed it as your settling when he knows you are capable of so much more. I'm thinking he mau also have been embarrassed by your actons at the picnic. Again, based on what you've written in the past, I am hoping that once you are both in a better place to have an open and honest heart to heart you will both realize that you are right for each other and worthy of each other's love.

[ElaineJ27]

Hey, guess what?! It’s raining, AGAIN. We have had some sunshine, but it has rained heavily every day for almost a week. 

Our neighbor mowed his yard this morning, but it was raining by the time Hubby got home. By the time it’s dry enough, we might have to bale it. 

I signed up to volunteer at Kidzeum in Springfield. I love museums and I took my local grandkids to this one about a year and a half ago. It’s very hands on and interesting. It’s finally reopening this weekend. I have training Thursday afternoon this week. I volunteered for administrative duties during the week but could help with special events on some weekends. 

The weather has kept me from playing golf and I haven’t done any other exercise. I also haven’t planned or tracked my food. I do get my water in and have not been buying junk food. 

[Katrin]

Hi Everyone,

First of all, thank you everyone for the encouraging words and compassion. I really appreciate it and that's one of the things I most value in this group!

Now for some updates: I still have not heard from my boyfriend (or maybe ex?) I've sent him a goodnight text almost every night when I go to bed and we text via an app called Signal which allows me to see both when it's delivered as well as when he looks at it. I can see that he is looking at the message every night and just choosing not to respond. He hasn't actually broken up with me - his last message to me indicated he would no longer be my bartender and that I need to fix my own cocktails and some other things like he will likely not invite me to go back out with these friends, etc. all of which sounds like there is a future with him but his tone when he left last week and his silence other than that one message tell a different story. I am not pressuring him. I accept the fact that maybe this is the end. We both have things we can do to grow up and I can't fix him and I can't make him forgive me. So, I'm fixing what I can and trying not to become anxious about what he's doing.

I did get a booking finally last week. I really only need about 2 or maybe 3 more by 7/14 to go to print and start making some regular monthly money. I'm worried about whether I can do it. But, for my booking last week, I did get a $200 bonus - desperately needed and appreciated. If I book something this week, I'll get another bonus. For July, they are offering a similar bonus but you need 2 bookings a week. Given how hard just getting 1 is, I don't know if I can make that but I'm not going to assume I won't.

What I am discovering (and not at all surprised but still . . .) is that I'm actually getting a little more done these days. Not drinking has me in bed a little earlier - I'm a little bored at night despite a million channels of tv, netflix, hulu, roku, etc. and an xbox and literally a dozen books from the library. I'm sleeping a lot still (9 hours and 3 minutes last night!) but I am still moving a little faster during the day and getting a little more accomplished - both at work and from a fitness and meditation standpoint. I've also continued to lose a little bit of weight - slowly but definitely a downward trajectory. Finally, my $200 bonus isn't even in my bank yet (not until the 7th) but my money seems to be going farther. All of these changes are super small but enough to be noticed. I should state that I did occasionally drink heavily but not always and not every night. Some nights I'd have nothing and some nights maybe a glass or two of wine. Sometimes more. But completely removing it from the week night equation has had some positive benefits. I also think that maybe one of the reasons I'm not so stressed and angry and afraid about my relationship with my boyfriend - I'm just overall a little more stable than I was.

Last Saturday we had a return to the stage for our first live storytelling show in over a year. I was one of the tellers and despite feeling like it's been FOREVER, I wasn't that nervous before or during and I didn't feel awkward or unprepared during despite being really out of practice. It just felt really good to see my story friends, make some new story friends and get back to one of the things I used to love. Because it was Saturday, I treated myself to 2 Guiness and because of the combo of a little weight lost plus less alcohol overall, 2 was enough to make me happy and stop there.

I also went back to the gyno and Kyleena is sitting pretty right where she belongs so I'm good to go for the time being. I do have an appointment with a GI coming up but one of the things I'm trying to do right now is cut back on Advil. I learned from a member of my book club over the weekend that the Advil I've been sucking down like candy since I injured my foot in December could be playing part of the problem with my stomach issues, nausea, etc. I'm finding that Tylenol is not as great of a substitute but at least I'm trying to figure things out.

@ElaineJ27I think your rain is heading this way tomorrow. It's been sweltering - at or near 100 for several days - and without rain to cool it off, it's just slightly less hot after the sun goes down. Hopefully you get some golf in later this week or for the holiday weekend.

Anyone have exciting plans for the holiday?

[Glenda]

So sorry you still have pain from an injury that happened 6 long months ago.   You would think anything should have healed by now. !!  Hope it gets better soon instead of just treating pain.  

[Cele21]

@Katrin - So glad to hear that the past week has had such a positive impact on you. Congrats on your booking! Fingers crossed for more to follow quickly.

In answer to your question about holiday plans, my family (sister and brothers) did not get together for Christmas because, covid. So my sister is having Christmas in July on the 3rd at her place which means pool and barbecue. My daughter is coming up for it which is always a treat. Then on the 4th we are going out to brunch with hubby's aunt who is turning 93 on the 3rd. We are off of work on the 5th so will be relaxing/cleaning.

[ElaineJ27]

I’m watching fireworks from my living room. They are all around us and I stood in the driveway for a bit until the mosquitoes got to be too much. 

I have definitely been getting my water in and my eating hasn’t been too bad but I haven’t tracked in quite a while. This afternoon I took the grandkids to the Kidzeum, where we had hands on activities for an hour and a half. Hubby and I went out for dinner and I just wanted to chill. As soon as we were seated, a baby at a large table close to us started screaming. It wasn’t as annoying as the kids fighting in the back seat of my car but I really wanted some quiet time. 

It stopped raining Friday so I hope to get back to golf starting Monday. 

I just realized that I didn’t post my weigh in on Wednesday. I lost the five pounds that I gained the week before. I thought that couldn’t be a realistic weigh in but it was still unnerving to see that number on the scale. 

[CJ_Here]

Hope everyone enjoyed the 4th (here in the States).  Some fireworks were canceled due to the extremely dry weather.  We were supposed to get heavy rainfall today, finally; but it went below us so just a dreary, rainless day.  Yesterday I spent a couple of hours floating in lake water with my sisters.  A fun way to stay cool.  We've all put on weight.  Anyway, the same old same old.  Not going to get anything positive out of this post.

[Glenda]

I've been eating a very satisfying dish of meatloaf 3 times a day and stopped all snacks and am 2 pounds less then my average for the last 2 weeks.   And I'm trying to get my exercise habit going again and have walked for 15 minutes for at least 4 days in a row.  I can't remember for sure when I started.  I'm only walking 2.3 mph.  but I have very short legs.  Whoops, I did eat some Breyers Carb smart ice cream but it is only 110 calories per 2/3 cup.   I'm encouraged.   If you can find something filling and satisfying that isn't too many calories, it might work well for you too rather than a big variety of stuff  and eating often.