I'm a "professional" diet quitter. I've started many, lost little, gained a lot, and quit quickly. Repeat cycle. Repeat Yo-Yo.
Years passed. Blood pressure went up. Blood Glucose went up. Weight went up. Health went down. And now, I'm obese and a Type 2 Diabetic. Refraining from forming judgement on myself because the judgement isn't pretty.
Did I mention I'm a "professional" diet quitter? I haven't been able to stick with anything and with my lack of stickability the failure has all but ruined my confidence, focus, and determination to gain health.
I've been Type 2 for a couple of years of which most of it was spent in complete denial. The denial formed fear and the fear caused me to ignore my doctors and medical care of which I have great resources but I procrastinated. My last A1c was 10. Too high for me to be healthy.
At the head of my doctors I went back in for checkups, completely ashamed of myself because of what I've allowed myself to become and because I'd been avoiding them. Stupid me! The results of my discussions with them may be saving my life. It didn't solve my problems but it did motivate me to test my sugars regularly. And more importantly it started the improvements of being more regular with my medication. But the greatest frustation began when my doctors started piling on the medication. I felt like a lab rat being tested. "Let's try this and see how it goes... let's put you on this and this...". From a medical perspective I get it. My doctors are meant to prescribe me medications to keep me alive and living. But, the human side of me kept wanting to improve my health holistically. With the promise that if I could make changes in my lifestyle and lose weight, these medications would become temporary and with increased weighloss eventually would be completely minimized and maybe (just maybe) eliminated. A twinkle of light in little ray of hope flashed before me.
Then my doctor said the magic words. "Your sugars are still too high, we need to do another intervention. These are your choices." Considering how sometimes medications can cause other problems, I have become VERY leary of being on too many meds. So, my alternative choice was insulin. INSULIN. This was the word of death to me. I'm not really a diabetic until I'm on INSULIN. OY! This is what it has come to, I though.
I went home and stuck the insulin pen in me and cried. This is it. My life is going to be about sharps and drugs and who knows what else. I'm only 41. How did my life get to this point?
And then a little angel came... my Fit Bit. I was blessed with the gift from my work place. Every employee who wanted one was able to get a Fit Bit. At first it was just a cool gadget. I doubted I'd use it because previously I got these gadgets and they all went to the wayside. Nonetheless it was cool that I got one. Then, I started to use it. 10,000 steps. How in the world am I going to get that many steps in when I sit in a chair in front of a computer all day. I started taking the long way to the bathroom and walking to talk to coworkers instead of calling or emailing them. I payed more attention to be sure I fit in a Jazzercise class at least once a week if not two. I tried to walk my dog a little bit further. But the best part of the online tracking was being able to also monitor my glucose tests every single day. No other diet websites I've used had that component. AAAAHHHHmazing!
10,000 steps seems to come easily every day. And even if I don't make that goal, I've been in the 9,000 with a very occasional 8000. But, I'm able to track everything including my feelings and this is making a HUGE difference for me.
Back to my diabetes. For most of my life I blamed my mother for my weightloss issues. She definitely played a role but honestly, it's me. I needed to take ownership of this problem. And with Fit Bit and tracking my blood sugars I started noticing that what I put in my body obviously affected what happened to it. My BG was spiking, even with the help of the insulin. It just kept going up and up and up. I kept thinking I was going to hit the top of the thermometer and explode.
And then one day at the top of this "thermometer", on a day my BG was up to 290 at fasting (with insulin) a little ding (Ok, it was REALLY LOUD and SCREAMING) went off in my head.
What will happen if I cut out carbs. All the starchy ones and just focus on vegetables, fruits, and some protein. I wonder what will happen.
So, a couple weeks ago, I cut out my carbs. Because of my internal motivation it was a little bit easier than I thought. So unlike all my previous dieting experiences, it wasn't about depriving my body of something I wanted. It was more about filling my body with what it needs. Intellectually I've always known this scientific fact but this DING was more of a personal physiological awareness.
Compared to the first 2 days of my changes, I went from eating a 2000-3000 calorie to a more stable 1600-1700 calorie per day eating habit.
Last weekend I had pizza twice. My BG went up.
Sunday I was back on low to no carb. My BG went down.
My BG this morning was 153. The lowest it's been in about a month.
Then, this morning I ate a bagel. We'll see what it does with my body but hoepfully I can fit in an extra walk today and be cautious to stick with veggies and fruit the rest of the day.
My mantra these days when faced with starchy foods (like the birthday cake being passed around at work yesterday) is "It's not worth it. I am".
It's an up and down battle but for the moment, I'm where I should be. I"m the road to progress and a healthier life.
Any encouragement and insight is appreciated.
