Running out of ideas to help my husband

[binx0822]

My guy is 6'2" and weighs 330-something... thus my ogre. When sitting and eating he has to have his legs open and his tummy hangs... well his tummy always hangs but more now than it used to. Has back pain, no motivation and lack of interest (unless it comes to video games). He claims he walks but that it hurts. Same with the stationery bike he wanted. We have so many at home items but he just doesn't want to use them. Says he's 'too tired and stressed from work'. Which I can understand with his position at work.

I've slowly changed meals and snacks. Tried to cut the sweets out but that doesn't stop him from going into the store and getting something. He used to go food shopping with me but no longer because he'll 'give into tempation'. Is always eating some kind of nut ie. sunflower seeds, almonds or cashews 'because they're good for you'. He also has to have ice cream or a shake from McD's or Wendys almost every night because it makes his tummy feel better.

Back to the stress. Like I said, I understand so I stay out of his way... try not to bother him. Thing is, I have many medical problems that probably take up 3/4 of that stress. Over this summer I had to be admitted to a hospital for 1 week of testing... which I REALLY did not want to do. My wonderful husband said if I could get thru it that he would start working out (I started a few months prior with my fitbit and was enjoying it). So guess what happened. I got thru the test, left extremely unhappy and my husband went back on his word.

Now that it's the fall, he's still in his same routine. I can't seem to get thru to him and I don't know what else to do. When he asks what's for dinner and I tell him... he just whines and complains. His birthday is coming up so I ordered a fitbit for him... especially since he's always playing with mine. Thanks and my apologies for the rant. Thoughts? Suggestions?

[I-train-hard · Accepted solution]

On one can help your husband unless he wants to help himself.

Stress – nothing is better than exercise. Well, people take pills but this **ahem** has a side effects….

[binx0822]

Had a feeling someone was gonna say that. 😕

Stress: he tried those vapor cigarettes. didn't know about it until I asked him a question and saw the vapor come out of his mouth and the pen dropped.

[WendyB]

@I-train-hard Is right. He is the only one that can help him self. Sad but true.

[Trooper]

Try making him  low calorie smoothies. You can  make your own low fat shakes at home. Half the calories and half the fat. For the nuts, buy him the 100 calorie almond packets from Kroger's or something similar. You can also start reducing his portion sizes but don't do it where he can notice it. Slowly start making his portions smaller and smaller. It might take some time, but his stomach will get smaller. Just don't tell him what you are doing. Carnivores can get really mad when you try to take their meat and potatoes away from them!!You can also add a Fiber Powder to his drinks. They will make him feel full, and make push himself away from the table. Buy Crystal Light and make a big pitcher. Filling up with Crystal Light or water will make a big difference. You can buy him the 90 calories Weight Watchers Cakes, and give him one or two to take with him. Instead of a 450 calorie Cinnamon Roll, he can eat 180 calories. People hate dieting because meals become boring. People like to eat certain things. But you can substitute them with low cal snacks and meals. One more suggestion. Buy a Healthy Choice Fried Chicken Dinner. Serve it on regular plate. See how he likes it, but don't let him see you cooking it. He gets to eat Fried Chicken, Mashed Potatoes, Dessert, Corn, for about 320 calories. If it works, start substituting one meal a day with one Healthy Choice meal. For Bread, switch him to the 40 calorie Sara Lee Bread. 

[Farica]

I can sympathize, I have one at home almost exactly like yours. Still - one must keep trying. In the past six months I've lost 35 pounds, hubby has lost eight, which is progress and I'll take it. And I've even gotten him to take a couple of fairly long walks, which was hard to do because his back hurts. One would think lots of short walks would be easier than a long hike, but, perversely I suppose he likes to rise to a challenge. Now if I could just get him out in the wilds more often... 

I can sympathize if your husband has stomach problems, both of us did for many years, and the last thing you want to be told is that you should appease your hunger and fill up with boiled brussel sprouts or something. Incidently I had brussel sprouts a while back and had stomach pains for two days, so some things that may seem like a good idea to a dietician just don't fly with me. But if he is having stomach issues he really needs to see a doctor, there are good treatment options available, no need to suffer if he has an over-production of acid, or whatever. In reality cutting back on sugar and fats will help with a lot of digestive upsets but that's something he's going to have to work out for himself.

Is there anything that he likes that's vaguely healthy and which you can exploit? Soup, for example, made with lots of veggies and served with a chunk of whole grain bread and a teensy bit of butter is filling. Or salads? Lots of veggies, with a few bacon bits, nuts, chick peas, leftovers, tuna, etc., and a dressing made with hazelnut oil and lemon juice. Or stir-fries? Tacos heavy on the veggies?

And I second the previous post about making smoothies, they can be made with a dollop of yogurt or a scoop or low-fat ice cream and whatever fruit he likes.

Exercise is great for stress but perhaps there's he needs to find something he would really like to do? I mean, would he like swimming, martial arts, long treks? Maybe there's something that would appeal to him, rather than the same-old same-old gym equipment workout sort of thing? If he's into video games maybe somewhere under there he has fantasies about being a super hero and he'd really like martial arts classes? Or if he'd rather be alone maybe there are nature trails he can stalk, like a panther?

Good luck to both of you, I know it's not easy (or my hubby and I wouldn't be overweight) but even small changes can make a difference, and once he starts seeing a difference he may gain momentum.

[Chuckolla]

I guess I was similar to your husband (6ft and 310 lbs), in my experience the weight (at this level) is sometimes a reflection of some internal pain or unhappiness and trying to numb those emotions through food. Unfortunately the cycle is destructive - you feel bad about yourself and you eat more, your're disgusted with how that makes you feel and so it continues. I think your husband will change but there has to be something in his life that is big enough to either scare him or motivate him. For most of us at that weight it is normaly a scare.

For me, the change was when I chose life after being at the point where the only comfortable position was on my back. I was scared and thought I was about to die and lose my wife and kids. My wife was incredibly supportive and let me go for a walk whenever I wanted and told me I looked great after just losing a few pounds. You probably already do this, but it is very important he feels loved and that whenever you speak about wanting change it's becuase you're frightened of losing him. I am guessing your husband is already feeling very low about how he looks and feels and it's a fine balance between supporting him to making a change and feeding the negative self esteem issues. Obviously this has a huge impact on your relationship and well being and you probably need support as well which I encourage you to get if you are not already doing so.

I think my wife (of 16 years) would have left me or I would have died (I'm 44) if I didn't change. The good news is at that kind of weight you don't need to make a lot of changes to lose weight. I walked everyday - got addicted to podcasts. The main change for me was the type of food of food. I started eating real food, no packages - it stabalized my hunger. Without massive swings in blood sugar due to processed foods I just wasn't as hungry and I went from eating about 4,000 calories a day to about 2,000 without really dieting or feeling hungry in anyway. 

I write this to provide some hope - 12 months on, I have lost 110 lbs (which is what everyone who doesn't matter focuses on) but most importantly I can be alive for my family. If you need help beyond this I would be happy to share anything you may want to know.

[Aqua671]

A dog can change a lot of men. Sex can too. Don't withhold it but rather use it to reward him. Every girl likes to be noticed and appreciated... so do we dudes. There's not much a guy won't do for the proper reward. If he does get his butt up and exercise, reward him. Congratulate him on being the master of the universe and being the sexiest guy alive. That's all we want to be most of the time. Getting there is hard though.

[LizaD]

I'm coming to this realization. Health is HIS choice. I have an unmotivated husband, but I cannot motivate him to change. 

[Trooper]

I'm 51 years old. The older I get, the more people I know are dying. Not from accidents but from "bad habits." Over eating, smoking, and drinking, drug use, have taken the lives of several family members and other people I went to school with. For years, they were told to lose weight, stop drinking, stop using drugs, use protection during sex, excercise, but they all refused. I went to the cemetary the other day. I saw the graves of my relatives. Some died in their fifties because of being overweight, drinking, and not excercising. My stepfather, age 62, his brother, age 45, his sister, age 59, all died from heart attacks due to being overweight and drinking. It can be an emotional moment when you stand in front of the graves of those you once knew. But the hard part is that they could have lived much longer lives, but they chose the path that led them to the grave. Over and Over again the warning signs were told to them, but they chose to ignore them. I will close with this. About a year ago, I had a vivid dream. In the dream, I'm in a vehicle of some sort driving on a road which looks to be somewhere in an English Country side with winding hilly roads. It was absolutely beautiful. But up ahead  I could vehicles driving ahead of me. As I watched the cars ahead, I noticed that the first smashed into an invisible wall. "BAM!" and the car just stayed there. Then a second one clearly could see the wreck up ahead, refused to stop, and continued on the same path, "BAM!" it too smashed into the first car. Then a third, fourth, and fifth car all of them slammed into each other and into the wall. So I asked someone who I knew was sitting in the passenger seat next to me this question, "If they can clearly see  that the first driver has already crashed, why don't they stop or change course?" He said, " Even though they can clearly see the accident up ahead, they continue to head  in the same direction as the first driver because they make themselves believe that they will not suffer the same fate as he did!"