So ashamed of myself....

[fitmissjen]

So, this post is more of a vent/cry for help then anything.

After loosing a tonne of weight last year/ early this year and getting my weight lower then my goal weight, my life was wonderful, i was fit, healthy, strong, and i even brought new clothes to suit my sexy new figure and i just felt amazing. Unfortunately in early March i became unwell and ended up in and out of hospital over a number of weeks. This sent my weight soaring, as due to my condition i was unable to workout/run/gym/crossfit as I had been doing and i was on medication which caused weight gain. This broke my heart, as i had been training super hard to compete in my first half marathon as a team with a friend of mine. 

I missed the half marathon and ended up on a slippery slope back to my old weight, i have been unhappy and borderline depressed ever since. My relationship with my wonderful partner has suffered, as my mood swings and lack of wanting to be intimate has upset us both.

This morning, for the first time since falling unwell, i jumped on the Aria scales...i am now over and above my initial wight.. i wanted to break down and cry when i saw the numbers. My body fat has also sky rocketed.

After all my hard work earlier on, Crossfitting, Running, Mountain Biking, Walking, you name it, i have distroyed it. My body looks and feels awful. If im honest, i hate it.

I need help. I need to get on track and get back to at LEAST my goal weight.

Feel free to bombard me with tip, tricks, recipes, anything and everything that may help me get back on track.

I have rejoined the gym and my PT has set up a plan for me. I want/MUST be back at my goal weight for the 30th Birthday which is December 31st (New years Eve!) i have 12.2KG to lose.

PLEASE HELP!!

[Atomic77]

Well depending on where you are you could get out and walk a little bit everyday like I do. I was once as high as 250 pounds and now Im about 218. I was 223 at my last doctor visit. A big part of my weight gain was my hypothyroidism I had a underactive thyroid and now im on a life long pill.

[Dominique]

I know opinions differ on this (some people advise to ignore the scale), but I also have an Aria, and it’s my main weight management tool. I’ve made a point to step on it every morning (except when I’m away from home, of course) ever since I got it. This way it will never come as a complete surprise I’ve gained 4 kg or 3% of body fat. I recently discovered TrendWeight, a free service that lets you link your Fitbit account to it and lets you view your weight and BF% data in a much more informative way than Fitbit. I would suggest you use it, it’s a great tool. This is my three-year history (weight):

There has been ups and downs, of course, but I’ve been able to keep it more or less within +/- 2 kg of a 66 kg baseline.

On the plus side, you’re young, are able to exercise and "only" have 12 kg to lose (just think of the folks who have 50 kg or more to lose just to exit from the obese category). If you were able to do it once, sure you can do it again.

12 kg in 6 months is 0.5 kg (about 1 lb) per week, which should be feasible. However, life doesn’t stop at 30, so why not take your time and do it with a longer-term view? I personally view fitness as a never-ending journey, so I don’t set myself deadlines.

You can do it, all the best! 

[mommo77]

Fitmissjen, your post broke my heart.  It could be anyone, any of us, who works hard to achieve something, and then something happens to derail our efforts.  You got sick, you had to deal with that, your health suffered.  Life happens.  Maybe because I'm older and at it again, I only want to say to you to love yourself first, just as you are today, weight, body fat, "warts and all" as they say.  Starting over is hard, but you can do it, you've done it before. But do it for yourself, not because of your dislike of your body.  Let the changes in your new efforts and that lovely wardrobe you have waiting for you (bonus!) be an inspiration.  Be kind to yourself, you've been through alot.

[Mukluk4]

Coming back from a broken hand with three pins, I can tell you that at minimum it will take a week for every week that you were down to get back to previous strength.

You know what it took to get you to your happy point, you just need to follow that path again.

[tamado]

First of all, hugs.  Your story is my current fear.  After nearly 100 lbs lost, I am terrified of going back to where I was.  That said, I would like to gently offer a few things.  

First of all, with 12 kgs to loose, that's a few months work, you have not jumped multiple BMI categories, you have likely gone from ideal to overweight would be my guess - so take it easy on yourself.  There is such a fine line between being committed to health and body image issues.  Love yourself for who you are, but seek to improve at the same time.  
As far as the weight loss (and gain) goes, it's really a math issue.  If your activity level drops, so must your caloric intake.  The cliches of you can't out exercise a bad diet and you lose more weight in the kitchen than at the gym are true.  Exercising allows a caloric increase, but does not allow us to eat garbage.  If you gained when you were not well, did you change what you were eating?  If you were eating the same, you likely needed smaller portions.  If you went back to fast food and sugar, it's a double whammy if you weren't working out.
So - get back on the horse.  Start logging your calories and be honest with yourself.  Get moving again, it gives you a little more leneancy in the kitchen.  I highly recommend accountability.  We have a weekly weigh in thread on here and I love it.  I cannot lie in that thread, what I weigh I log.  I hate having to show increases or not loose when I want to.  Weigh yourself, log in and let's get started.
You posted here - that shows courage.  Congratulations on the first step.  We are a community.  

[WendyB]

You can do it. Its gonna take a while to get back to where you were. Go slow and build up from there.

Keep us posted!

[divedragon]

First things, first - don't be ashamed and don't hate yourself.  I fully understand the frustration that happens when you have a set back, but stressing about it only makes it worse.  I think it's a chinese proverb that says something to the effect, "Fall down 3 times, get up 4."

You're going to just start a new journey.  First make sure you are well and there are no other underlying issues that may affect your goals.  With those addressed, take your first step.  Don't try to do it all over night as it's a process.  I don't know your plan other than the exercises you mentioned, but consider Intermittent fasting coupled with a Low Carb, High Fat diet. 

You can do this!  You've done it before and you're gonna do it again.  Stress can only hamper your progress so look into some type of payer or meditation to help with the stress part.  Wake up each day with a commitment to that day alone.  Say what you will do that day and do it.  Worry about tomorrow - tomorrow.  If you faulter on any one day, re-commit yourself the next and forget about yesterday.

Feel free to hit me up any time and keep us posted on how you're doing.  You have my 100% support.

[JohnRi]

First of all, you got nothing to be ashamed of.  Recent studies have shown that our bodies have a plan, even if we don't like the plan.  They remember how much you used to weigh, and our bodies are happy there.  So when you lose weight, for the next 4-5 years you body wants to get back to how much you used to weigh.  That's why most of the contestants on The Biggest Loser gain it all back and then more.

It's also a famine responce.  When you lose weight, you body thinks there is a famine...  Once you hit your goal, and you eat normal, you body thinks the famine is over, time to put the weight back on before the next famine.  It's a survior instinct.  Which is great when there were times when food isn't available.  But in our modern age, famine is rare for most of us.  So this instinct works against us, instead of helping us stay healthy. 

Our body's are complicated organisms, and they work against us at times.

And then you throw in a illness, and drugs, and anything can happen.  You certainly don't have yourself to blame.  Don't hate yourself or your body.  Instead love yourself and your body, and work toward making your body healthier.  Your body is not the enemy.  So many people derive their self worth from how they look.  You know what?  We all grow old.  We all lose our looks.  What really matters, what always mattered, was who you are as a person.  So ignore what you look like.  The only thing about our bodies that matters is if we are healthy or if we are not.  Your partner isn't with you because of what you look like (and if they are, they aren't worth your time), but who you are inside. 

The good news is you have 5 months to try to lose the weight.  And you know what if you make it great!  And if you don't, who cares?  Either way it doesn't matter.  All that matters if you are healthy, or are working to get healthy.  It time to gain the weight, it will take time to lose it.  It's taken me 10 months to lose 70 lbs.  I've got another 27 lbs to lose, and it might take me six months to do it.  I don't care how long it takes, I just care that I get there.

But once you get there, then the hard part starts.  You have to maintain it for at least 4-5 years, so body can reset and decide this new weight it the new normal. 

What you can decide is if your health is now good, you can do something about the weight gain. You've already lost the weight once, you can do it again. There are more marathons out there. 

Believe in yourself, and make it happen!

So get active! 

[Bobbinyc]

@fitmissjen  I disagree with you.  I think you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.  No matter what had caused you to gain back weight, there is a reason for it, whether you understand it all or not.  You didn't intentionally hurt someone, so there is no reason to feel bad about yourself.  And all shame does is make you feel worse.

The way I see it, you have great reasons to applaud all the hard work you did.  Imagine if you hadn't done it, where you would be now.  You gave your body more strength, more agility, more immunity, etc.  You did a wonderful thing for yourself.  So, you had a setback.  Yeah, that sucks.  And that is life.  Life is full of them.  We can't avoid them.  We get sick.  We get hurt.  People we love get sick.  We have losses.  We have all kinds of struggles.  But that doesn't mean you become your own enemy and hurt yourself.  This is where you learn to be resilient.  "get back on the horse" as they say.  

You have the skills to lose weight, get strong, get fit, get fast....you have that in you.  

I think what you need is 1. to be kinder and easier on yourself and 2. Start with something easier to do, like eat more veggies, or drink more water.  then keep adding on.  Add on some walking, or some exercise, and get into it gradually. 3. Perspective - this is not about a number on a scale being powerful, this is about your life and being as healthy and energetic as you can be.  It's about taking good care of yourself.

By the way, I'm in the same boat.  Had foot surgery, couldn't move for months, gained like crazy (partly a reaction to the meds) and now weigh more than ever.  You are not at all alone.  

Just be a friend to yourself and start taking good care of you, gently.

[Bobbinyc]

The support and advice in this group is incredibly beautiful.  Very moving.

[emili]

I feel for you 100% and then some. Like Tomado said- you wrote my greatest fear. That in a blink of an eye everything I work so hard for can be gone and I go back to what I was. But here is the thing you forgot and I want to remind you about... do you remember the first time you lifted heavier than you ever have before. That feeling? Do you remember the day you ran or power walked longer than you ever had before and the only thing that bothered you was thirst? Do you remember putting on your "skinny" jeans and realizing they were your "fat" jeans? Do you remember the joy of getting on a scale in the morning and the number the day before was higher than the number today? Do you remember strutting your stuff because you could? Take a minute and remember. Then go do it. Again. And then come back here and write about  how you feel in that moment so others will know. Go do it.

[fitmissjen]

Firstly, i want to say a huge "THANK YOU" to everyone who has posted. I had tears in my eyes reading your posts. The support in this community is incredible. I feel privileged to be apart of such an amazing group of people.

After reading your comments, i think maybe i am being to hard on myself, i had a rough time, and i gained some weight, but so what, i'm alive, i now have my health back, and i know where i want to be with my weight, my fitness and with my life, so MAKE IT HAPPEN! Iv set my goals, i have all you wonderful people behind me, so lets SMASH IT!!

Again, thank you all so, so much. I will continue on my journey, and lets hope this time it will go more smoothly 

[emili]

If I could hug you right now I would. And I'm not a hugger. Kill it woman, one step at a time