need help please

[audacious]

Hi. I posted this somewhere else too but wasn't sure which section it fits best under. so here goes... 

I'm Jen. I'm 22 and I've been using fitbits for a while. I had a zip, then a one, and now have a charge. I haven't worn my charge in a long time. 

I have an eating disorder and am quite overweight because of it. Last summer I lost 20 lbs and I've gained about 12 back because in the winter months, I lost all my motivation and I went through a bought of depression. I stopped going to my recreation therapy group because i got frustrated once and then didn't see a point to go back...and I really WANT to go back, it's just hard to transition back into something once you've been gone for so long. it's hard for me to go to the gyms by myself...I get really anxious and antsy. I also suffer from some mental health issues (PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder) and my anxiety is through the roof sometimes when I'm at the gym because I'm afraid I'll get made fun of or that people are looking at me or whatever. i feel better going with my rec therapy group because we're all in the same boat (not all of us are physically fit, all kind of awkward) but I really want to be able to go to the gym by myself. 

I really want to lose more weight. I weigh about 300 lbs and I want to lose weight so that my life is less limited. I ride horses and right now my life is limited in that sense because I have to ride a horse that can support my weight safely. I want to get down about 50 lbs (just to start) so that I can jump on any horse and be able to ride for longer periods of time.  

I'm having a really hard time emotionally because I felt at one point that no matter what I did, I couldn't lose more weight. I got into the low 290's and then It just stopped dropping, so I got frustrated as heck and said "well screw this" and stopped trying. I need to get back on the horse, so to speak (not the real horse, haha) but I really feel like I need a lot of support to start back on this ride again. I'm wondering if there are any people out there who would be my friend and help motivate and encourage me and act as accountability so that I can start working towards further health. I would love to lose more weight by the end of june (likely 50 lbs won't go away by then) but at the end of June I'm going on a 10 day trail riding trip and it would make life a lot easier to weigh even 10-20 lbs less. 

Any help is greatly appreciated. I'm pretty desparate. 

[HopeGraceLove]

Just posted on your other post. 🙂 

[Cdwwench]

Hi Jen,

Hang in there! You have a lot going on. Give yourself permission to begin again. My new quote from John "the Penguin" Bingham... "The miracle is not that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to START." No matter how many times you start, cherish each beginning. Celebrate the small steps.  I'm focusing on eating healthier. Check out a program called 90/10 Nutrition (http://www.9010nutrition.com). It helps with figuring out what to eat, portion control, and working on changing habits. The step challenges really got me moving. I'm averaging over 10,000 steps a day. I have over 75 pounds to lose and I figure getting healthy is the first goal. It's never a straight path, but you will get there too.

[Kryssy90]

well the god thing is that you havent lost your desire to lose weight and you ahve a goal! Thats great! i im sorry that you have gone through so much in your life. i used to be very shy and doubtful when going to a gym becasue i felt that people were judging me and i felt stupid. but i got with a trainer and he taught me about the equipment and what activities to do and how to do them. now i can walk into a gym and be confident in what im doing becasue i know im doing it right. that helps a lot. when i started my journey i was about 75 pounds over weight and my doctor told me she wanted me to lose about that much before i tried to become pregnant and start a family with my husband. it was heartbreaking to hear all the hard work i was going to have to do before i could begin with my life the way i wanted to. but is it going to be worth it? OF COURSE IT IS!!! your goal, if it means alot to you, will be a great motivator. dont be afraid of change. because change is oing to be the only way you can reach your goal. change is good. go back to your groups if they help you. Take all the help you can get. i hope you get back up on that horse, literately and figuratively 🙂 i have also just discovered my love for horses and they can be great therapy for someone with your conditions. i hope this helps/motivates you. your story is inspiring to me. good luck!

[LocoMutant]

@audacious I know what you are going through.  I started at 300 pounds and today am 229 I can never go to the gym because I suffer from social anxiety disorder.  If I go to ma gym I will run away.  What I did is put on headphones and just started walking around my neighborhhod.  Then when it got hot(I live in Phoenix) I got a treadmill at walmart and started on that.  Then I got an exercise bike, and then a kettkebell.  I do all my exercises at home, and you can find tons of free workouts on youtube.  Also, it's not all exercise you have to eat better and track your calories.  remember eating is for weightloss, and exercising is to tone the body.  I just started eating better, and healthier.  Chicken, and fish, vegetables, lower the gluten intact helped me a lot.  I will reward myself with a treat here and there.  It has taken me a year, and I'm never going back and this is a lifestyle change.  When you lose the weight if you go back to what you rate before you will just gain it back. Good luck

[VivisFitbit]

Sometimes we would like to start doing big things to get big changes, at the end we could get a bit disappointed because we're not reaching our goal. I recommend start with little things, little changes make a big difference.