Finding the balance - Needing some encouragement

[EmJen]

Hi everyone,

With this new motivation to lead a healthier lifestyle, I'm finding that I'm receiving some push back from those around me. I'm across the country from my family so while we speak on the phone and through emails, sometimes it's just nice to speak to someone face-to-face in real time - especially when working through the ups and downs of establishing healthy (or healtheir) habits.

Over the past few years I've been reading a lot about healthy foods, recipes, diets, workouts, etc. And I've finally gained the courage to take the leap into applying bits and pieces to myself. Posting something on the Community Boards was a big step for me, as is learning to speak up and ask for help; the Fitbit community has been so encouraging and supportive! 

So, here I am asking for help:

How do you not get discouraged when your health questions are basically laughed at by those around you (outside of FitBit, in your home/work life)?

Earlier this evening I was having a conversation with someone about the benefits of Fiber and trying to figure out the best way to rotate what I ate so my body wouldn't get bored. I asked questions about how to be more aware of myself, and knowing when it was a good time to move on to try the next source of Fiber, etc. They asked me to name other sources, and when I did all I got was, "you know, you really need to start thinking outside of the box."

I was a bit crushed because it had already taken an awful lot of courage to stand up and say that I wanted to get healthier and to admit that I didn't really know much or have confidence in terms of knowing how to effectively get there. 
I tried to stay upbeat and continued asking for clarification only to get, "it's really as simple as looking online...why wouldn't you try to check there & do some research." I explained that I had done that already, but was having a bit of trouble with piecing things together. They just looked at me while trying to hold back laughter, which only hurt more. 


I understand that we all learn in different ways, and not everything will ever go according to plan or smoothly for that matter.. I'm feeling a bit embarassed for opening up to those around me about my seriousness and interest to get healthy, and I need some encouragment and guidance. The old me would have turned to food for comfort, but the new me is coming to the FitBit Community for support. (Less calories and way more comfort, I hope! 😉  )

[veelyns · Accepted solution]

When looking for encouragement from others, it's important to understand who the source is that you are engaging with during a conversation.  If it is someone you know, such as a close friend, family member or co worker, it's important to keep in mind that although you may be changing, that does not mean that they are.  If someone you know has a history of not being supportive, it's safe to say that they will not be supportive now either.  Keep your head up when you receive resistence or let downs when dealing with people.  If its someone important to you, you may want to share with them how it makes you feel when you talk to them.  Turning to food for comfort is just like turning alcohol after an AA meeting to relax.  It's anti productive.  Your motivation and encouragement has got to come from a place that you tap inside of you, from knowledge of healthier life style makes for a happier, better version of you.  Look to the approriate people for encouragement.  Join a group fitness class, join a hiking group.  Let your results encouraging you.  If you are spiritual, turn to God.  YOU are the reason you have started this journey.  Based upon what you wrote, you were receiving inspiration and motivation from reading, continue to seek that inspiration.  There are a lot of blogs and magazines that have inspirational, life changing stories about the journeys that other people have been on, and how they achieved their end goal. 

As for the "best way" to change up your fiber intake, keep it seasonal.  Focus on what sources of fiber are in season and buy them fresh from your local supermarket (try to go organic if possible).  Keep that rule in all of your eating, the food will taste the best and it will help with variety.

[Joni63]

veelens is right on track.  I agree that the person may not understand what you are seeking, and I fully understand your need to have actual people (rather than just these words on a page) to share your experience with.  I am rather fortunate in that my grown children are always encouraging, and since they have much healthier lifestyles than mine, I find them a constant source of valuable information.  Sometimes, you need to make a few new friends!  Look at any neighbors you may see out walking and see if you can strike up a conversation over time, maybe take a nutrition course (Kaiser offers these, if you aren't Kaiser though, I am sure you could find one in your community) and meet new people there.

I congratulate you on your choice to lead a healthier life!  I started here, at this same spot in January 2012.  Over the past (almost) four years, I have made small changes that have resulted in losing over 30 pounds, as well as becoming more and more physically active.  Remember, you're doing this for YOU, not anyone else.  I am sending you a friend request.

[Raviv · Accepted solution]

Remember too that, especially when you're talking about family, they can see it as a criticism of what they eat or how you were raised.  It's really not, but they can take it that way.  You see it as "I need to make these improvements to my life."  Meanwhile, they may see it as "I need to change these things that I was taught wrong."  So they may be less than helpful.

Another reason people may not be helpful is that it challenges their perceived inability to change.  If no one around you is eating healthy and they're all overweight, then it's not a big deal.  Eating good food and working out isn't normal then.  But if you come along and are actually doing it, then they can feel guilty about how they aren't.  It's convicting for them, and that's not comfortable.

Then there is the one that I have tried REALLY hard not to do, but I'm not perfect, which is evangelizing about the right way to eat.  Over the years I have learned not to, but not before basing a lot of conversations on how my way is the right way.  And generally I AM right because I've done a lot of research first.  But that doesn't make my family any more receptive.  Throw in that I'm the youngest child, and I just keep my mouth shut about nutrition around my family.  They still treat me like I'm 5-years-old and exciting about Santa coming sometimes.  

I have found a lot of great communities in forums - even smaller like-minded groups in completely unrelated forums.  You can bounce ideas off of people there and not deal with all of the "I knew you when you were afraid of the dark" baggage.  I also have a few friends that "get it," and I know I can talk to them about it.  As you go along with this new direction, you might find more friends along the way that you can relate to - friends that you might have missed before because you didn't have anything in common with them then.  But now you do.

[Wanch · Accepted solution]

Both of the previous posts are spot on.   I can tell you that I've experienced some similar reactions like you from certain people since starting my journey to a healthier lifestyle that started in May of 2010.   I guess I've given up on trying to figure out why certain people think or behave the way they do.  I just do what makes me happy and try to surround myself with people that think like me and have similar interests.  I'll admit that can be easier said than done - but it's not impossible.    

I agree that joining a club or group is probably the best thing to do.  For me, I turned to running in May of 2010 to get myself back in shape after a very long hiatus from any athletic activity.  I didn't know what to expect.  I was overweight, slow and couldn't run a single lap at my local track.  But I was determined to change my lifestyle for ME because I was tired of being fat and lazy.  I didn't care what anybody said... I was going to do it.  Today I'm proud to say that I'm running 5Ks, 10Ks and half-marathons.  I've learned that the running community is hugely supportive and encouraging. It has helped me to stay on track with my fitness goals and maintain a healthy weight. There are group runs and local races to participate in.  It's very similar to the FitBit virtual community and challenges we have here.  Each of these are tools I put in my "fitness toolbox"  and use them to inspire and guide ME to my fitness goals.  At the end of the day I believe fitness is a bit selfish and it has to be that way.  Remember that YOU own YOUR goals and it's really all about YOU and the naysayers should feel free to sit in the bleechers and watch YOUR greatness evolve.

Good luck in achieving your fitness goals... you're on the right path by joining the fitbit community and participating here. Now all you have to do is keep it up.

[Raviv]

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@Wanch wrote:

I've learned that the running community is hugely supportive and encouraging.

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This is so very true.

I have posted a few newbie questions in online running forums, and the responses from seasoned runners was overwhelmingly helpful and supportive.  

I found the same thing at work when I asked a couple of the guys I work with if they ran.  Suddenly I'm getting all kinds of help and advice and people genuinely cheering me on.

[EmJen]

Thank you @Raviv@Wanch@Joni63@veelyns for your replies!

The person I was speaking with was someone close who has never really had any issues with weight. To them healthy choices are a simple part of every single day. They were instilled with wonderful healthy habits straight from childhood. I opened another conversation with them, and I think we've come to a middle ground in tems of helping them see what I was coming from, and see that I am only looking to be able to speak to someone I trust about understanding all of these nutritional facts floating around me through books, articles, etc. 

I'm a member of my local gym and have been participating in a lot of workout classes to stay encouraged and motivated while working out. 

I think one of the difficult things I'm trying to work out is when these difficult conversations or push backs come late in the evening when everything is closed and I have to head to bed. I don't like to go to bed upset, so I'm very thankful I can come here to ask the Community for help and/or read through other members' posts. 

[Raviv]

That's when a good international forum is handy.  No matter time of day or night an issue comes up, you're bound to find someone that is wide awake!

[Wanch]

I guess it ultimately comes down to how each of us choose to respond to adversity.  We can either use it to push us forward or keep us back (and give us sleepless nights!).  I don't think we should be upset at the end of the day... when we lay our head on our pillow that we know we gave our best that day.  That's all we can do. Letting others affect how we feel about ourself allows them to have more power over us than anybody ever should. 

[WillowTheWhisp]

@EmJen Perhaps when someone suggests you "Google it" they may be avoiding admitting that they don't know the answer to your question.

It may appear that some people are naturally healthy and fit but although they look good on the outside you (and they) have no idea what's going on underneath. Someone may look the picture of health and have all manner of undiagnosed ailments which may not even surface until later.

Just keep positive and remind yourself that you are educating your tastebuds and your digestive system as well as your brain.  

[Farica]

In the end you're going to have to do research for yourself and find what works best for your age, size, weight, current health, longterm health, etc. It's not hard getting advice from others, avoiding it is usually more difficult. There's a lot of variance even within the scientific and medical communities so it's no wonder random friends and family are going to give you conflicting advice. If you feel better following a particular diet and exercise regime over a period of time it's probably right for you. If you can't stick with it, you start getting illnesses, and your teeth fall out, it may need rethinking. Thing is, keep an open mind. I've seen too many people determined to stick to their fads (in one case, eating almost exclusively turnips) even after getting illnessses, because they loved that they had lost weight and thus felt better initially and kept hoping if they just put a little more effort into the turnips the good times would return. 

Try not to react to or in opposition to comments that you may feel are offensive, ill-advised or even helpful. For example, many of us react to a comment of 'you're lookin' a bit pudgy' with 'I'll show him! I'm going to diet and diet and diet and I'll be so skinny...!' But indignation carries you only so far. Brush all of that aside, you have to learn to do what's best for you. 

[dancefoxtrot]

EmJen

Sorry that idiot that you spoke with was rude and condesending. That is an ego competing with you not a helpful friend. Glad that you can come to Fitbit and find support. Labor Day Challenge 2015 has great posts and helpful people as well. 

Stay on your journey. 

Barbara 

[Ukase]

EmJen, 

  I am sorry - I didn't want to read through the solutions - I just felt like I should share some insight.

When people near you are not supportive, it's time to find some new people. It'll be tough, but living well is the best revenge.