Motivating Mantras - What's yours?

[EmJen]

This health journey has brought up a lot of things that needed decluttering in my life - specifically the foods I eat and the people I surrounded myself with. 

I had a previous post about learning how to navigate these new changes with the people in my life, and it's has turned out to be successful thus far. I do, however, still have a few difficult people I run into on an almost daily basis... There is one particularly who likes to draw out the negative side of others. I've become aware enough to notice when it's starting to happen, but a part of me gets a bit bogged down by their negative energy. 

The interactions I usually have with this person take place when I'm literally in the middle of doing something - I can't really drop what I'm doing and leave - and I refuse to let the actions/words of one person alter the way I go through my day.  Pushing through though, I've still found it incredibly emotionally and mentally draining. 

I've been doing some reading and I came across this quote by the Greek philosopher Epictetus: "It is not the facts and events that upset the man, but the view he takes of them."

So! I'm trying to change my mindset. 

Whenever you're having to interact with a difficult person, do you have some mantra that helps keep your mind busy (and your nerves calm)? 

My hope is to find a new way to help me through this time, and to ultimately be able to not associate the word difficult to them & just be able to see them as a person - without too much (or any) negative feelings involved. Excited to learn and grow from this. Thank you for any advice & shared mantras! 

[DavideFitbit · Accepted solution]

​Congratulations @EmJen!  this is a great and very positive thread, I am more familiarized with modern mantras, when I meditate I usually use "Today I choose joy" to overcome difficult situations and "This too shall pass" whenever I feel angry for a particular negative experience with someone. I hope this helps, I'm looking forward to see any suggestions from the other members of the community. 

[Raviv · Accepted solution]

The saying I have on my RoadID when I run is "Run your own race."  Because I'm slower than most, and that's okay.  I'm not competing against them, I'm competing against me.  I don't need to run faster or farther than any of them, I just have to run faster or farther than I did last week or last month.  It's all about me doing what's best for me and letting them do whatever is best for them.

And I think the same thing applies to people who are stubborn or argumentative or obnoxious.  It's their life and they can do whatever they want with it.  If they choose not to even consider something I feel is important, that's their choice and their loss.  Either way, it has no impact on me.  They don't have to believe the same things as I do, but I also don't have to agree with them.  It's perfectly legal for them to be wrong. 

Now if it does impact me negatively, like with bullying or trying to drag me into a soap opera-like space, I can still be polite and respectful, but I can also choose to limit my time with them and spend it somewhere else where people are more respected or valued.

Bonus points if you can get them to actually come around, but it's rare.  I did have one coworker who tends toward being a "right fighter," where she must be the one that is right even when someone else has more experience in the matter at hand.  She doesn't do it all the time, so the friendship is worthwhile other than that.  She started in a month or so ago, and I just said "I have to go" and abruptly left.  She came by later to "explain", which was really more about trying to convince me more.  I just kept my back to her as she talked and barely mumbled.  She's not dumb - she later apologized and hasn't done it since.

I feel like there are three kinds of people:

1. Those that mean well and can be taught to treat you right just by rewarding good behavior and refusing to deal with them when they act like jerks

2. Those that will never change, and it's best to limit time with them for the sake of your own sanity and

3. Those that will never change, and you just have to put up with them.

Hopefully the third is rare.

[DavideFitbit]

Thanks for taking the time to share this with us @Raviv. I think it can definitely help us to avoid negativity in our lives and be more present in environments where people are more respected or valued as you wisely mentioned. 

[Mermaid3011 · Accepted solution]

@EmJen

Hi EmJen! 

I love your approach! I've been decluttering a lot these last few months as well. and I have also learned to be more patient with people who are annoying or just dont understand why or what I am doing. 

What really helped me are the following core items: 

- reading and practicing from the book "Yoga for Anxiety". It's not just for people who suffer from clinical anxiety, but it really calms the mind and the body and gives me the strength to say "this too shall pass" or "this person too will stop bugging me eventually" LOL

- guided meditation for example by Jon Kabatt Zinn or Michael Yapko. Very soothing. And it really clears my mind and gives positivity more room. 

And I think most importantly an amazing FB group I am part of. Everybody is supportive of each other. Everybody is on the same journey - but different stages. Health promoting, celebrating small successes and big successes, reminding ourselves of the things we are grateful for... very empowering!

I hope this helps - let me know if you'd like to talk more. Message me! 🙂

Best

Birgit

[EmJen]

Thank you, @Mermaid3011, @DavideFitbit, & @Raviv for you responses!

These are all great ideas - and mantras - to work with throughout the day.

I'm finding ways to make time for myself throughout the day; 5-10 minutes here and there to read an interesting book, meditate positive focus/ideas, and being patient with myself when it comes to food preparation.

I think another struggle has been to not hold any anger or ire towards this difficult person. Being upset doesn't help, especially as I've realized how much it distracts me from being present every time it happens - I literally locked myself out of my room because of it the other day..

But! With the same kindness & patience I am learning to show myself, I do need to 'choose joy' as @DavideFitbit mentioned and be more clear with the ways I intend to give/spend my energy, as @Raviv advised. With this particular person (mentioned in my original post), it doesn't seem like they are likely to change, and I'm not here to try to force them to do so. @Mermaid3011, I will definitely look into the book you mentioned - it sounds wonderful!

I am currently reading Pema Chodron's book Living Beautifully, which touches on learning how to be open and aware to everything happening in life without getting bogged down by negativity or harnessing it even accidentally. It's helping me learn how to let go in tough situations and for someone who likes order in my life, it's been a major help in removing potential possibilities where anxiety could emerge.

Thank you all again for sharing. If you come across any other mantras that speak to you feel free to send them over for others to enjoy!

[SunsetRunner]

Always stay calm, positive, friendly, relaxed.. no mantra needed..

[DavideFitbit]

Thank you for sharing, great suggestions @Mermaid3011 and @SunsetRunner!  

[chantalpatel]

Thanks Emjen  for sharing ..its a great post. I find myself surrounded by some very negative people but i am finding it hard to block that negative energy

[DavideFitbit]

You can do it @chantalpatel! concentrate on the positive things that surround you, xx certainly gave a lot of useful and cool suggestions.