Pretty Nervous...

[audacious]

Hi everybody. 

I have been battling an eating disorder for years. I've started really addressing it about 14 weeks ago. I also have been using my fitbit almost daily to keep track of exercise...in my case, increasing physical activity and decreasing food intake is best. 

I've recently moved into an apartment that is part of a mental health program, and they have a recreation therapist here. So I met with her, and she's connecting me with a rec therapist who works in the community and so...this Thursday coming up, I'm going to be meeting with her at a gym to figure out an individualized fitness plan that works well with my activity level AND my eating disorder. The nice part about this is that aside from it being healthy, it's also therapeutic and works with my treatment plan for my eating disorder. 

I am BEYOND nervous to go. We had a gym at my school when I was in Jr High and I always felt so insignificant next to others. I can't even do a push-up. (I can do the push...just not the up). I always felt so belittled and picked on in gym class as a kid and it's really playing on my self-esteem now as an adult...and it's making me so nervous to go to the gym, even though I'll be with a rec therapist. 

I also sweat a lot...and I feel gross all the time because of it. Even just walking a short distance or walking up some stairs proves to others how out of shape I am. I'm so embarrassed with how my life has become in terms of my weight and my overall health. I'm working on it - which is excellent...but I'm SO NERVOUS to take this next step in my eating disorder recovery. I want it so bad...but I'm in this constant state of anxiety right now. I'm not sure what I need or what I'm asking for...but some support would be great. 

Thanks, 

Jen

[Odyssey13]

@audacious  You made a great decision fourteen weeks ago when you got your Fitbit. Which one did you get?

You know what courage is? It's doing what you know needs to be done, even if you're not sure about it or feel a bit anxious. You are courageous. You possess a strength that you've never recognized, but are learning about right now. Yes, you can do this.

None of us would really want to remember those days of junior high gym class. We were tested and the teachers seemed to encourage the more athletic students. Not all of those kids grew up to be athletic adults, either.

The rec therapist will be there to help guide you into health and fitness. They will work with you and you'll see that you do indeed have it within yourself to change for the good. You're doing this for yourself and you can do it.

Everyone sweats. Not everyone is in the best shape when they begin a new program. Give yourself time and don't give into the doubts or nervousness. You can do this. If you could face an eating disorder, you can face the gym. Doing this is a brave thing and you are couragous. Never doubt yourself because you are able to do it. Pace yourself, but don't quit. Keep on going as your gift to yourself.

Keep a journal to document your progress. Write down how you feel and be sure to recognize your achievements. Your Fitbit is a faithful tool as you go along the path to wellbeing.

Let us know how things turn out with the rec therapist. Our imaginations can often work against us. Don't let it. It's going to be easier than you imagined.

Plenty of support and caring people on the forums. It's good you posted to share your experience with us.

Always believe in yourself. You can do this. You will be victorious. You are brave.

[audacious]

Hi. Thanks for the reply.

I got the zip at first because it was cheaper and I wasn't sure if I would "stick with it" but last week I just bought the fitbit one because I was sticking with it and I wanted the sleep tracking feature, but didn't want to wear it on my wrist all the time like the flex. I love it!!

I appreciate your kind words. I'm so scared.

School in general was horrible for me. On top of having lots of mental health issues that were going undiagnosed, I was always the one fat kid. I felt so embarrassed daily. I still do. I am scared that when I go to the gym I will be bullied and judged by others just as I was in the past.

[bulgarianlily]

Go get yourself some pretty towels that you really like, and keep one handy at the gym for wiping your face and equipment.  Everyone sweats everywhere there, and it isn't gross it is a sign of progress!  Good luck with your appointment and keep in touch with us all here.  How much do you really have to lose?  Check out the groups here, there are plenty of people trying to lose 50, 75, or 100 pounds or more.  We are here for you.

[TCG]

Don't worry about what others think, concentrate on what you are thinking. Everybody sweats when they are working out, I sweat like a horse when I work out and I feel great afterwards. I don't look at others when I go to the gym, I look at the equipment or my trainer, I don't even look at myself, I ask my trainer if I am doing it right. It takes time but you will get there. Get yourself some good motivational books, those written by Andy Andrews or Norman Vincent Peale, they will tell you stories about others facing challenges and how they got through them. Believe in yourself and remember "A journey of a thoursand miles, starts with the first step." Good luck.

[WendyB]

Do not be Nervous. Sure its scary for the first time. But once you get going you are going to love it! The Trainer will help you so dont worry about that!

I agree you need to belive in your self and you will make it!

Keep us Posted!

[Moon_Priestess]

I understand your nervous, and i understand that many people can say don't be nervous and how that seems impossible for you to do.

Take deep breaths and make small goals for yourself, like packing your bag, then driving to the gym, congratulate yourself you made it in the door. If you think of how far you have to go it can seem overwhelming.

You have made so much progress so far and your taking control. You are strong and it will be hard work but you can do it!

There are a lot of supportive people here who would love to talk and help you through it.

I have always been overweight and I was the same with the gym. The thin people at the gym used to annoy me and scare me like they were judging me and looking down at me. Until I met this one woman who had been there for years and has lost 60kg and I realised that they weren't judging me, most of them had been where I was.

[audacious]

Thanks for all the support. My "big day" is tomorrow. I'm terrified to tears. 

[Odyssey13]

@audacious  How did it go for you? Nerves only last for a little, but your determination to continue this journey is going to see you through.

[audacious]

I just made another post about it 🙂 Check it out if you want to 🙂 It's titled, "first gym experience"