The Worst Month Of My Life

[bcalvanese]

This past month has been the worst month of my entire life.

My Daughter (who suffered with addiction) died of an OD on August 2nd.  She helped many people with their addiction's, but she could not seem to beat her own. It was devastating to us, and we miss her so much. She was so proud of me for getting back in shape, so now I exercise even harder for her.

A few weeks after that, I started getting shortness of breath while exercising. My wife talked me in to going to the ER, so I went. They found blood clots in both of my lungs. I thought it was just the stress of loosing my Daughter, but it's a good thing I got it checked out. I am on blood thinners for life now, because they found a test that I had done years ago that said I am prone to clotting.

On September 2nd, my Mother passed away. We knew this was going to happen for some time, and she was suffering with dementia for quite a while. We all miss her, and are happy that she is not suffering like that anymore.

I don't know how much sadness and stress a human being can take, but I feel like I am right at the edge of that.

Two and a half years ago I was so obese and out of shape, I started having health issues which included my heart, lungs, blood clots, and had to have surgery for diverticulitis. They told me I had to start exercising, loose weight, and quit smoking, or I would not be around much longer.

I am so glad I took it serious enough to do something about it. I quit smoking, started exercising (mainly cardio) every day, and lost over 50 lbs. Now my heart and lungs check out fine, and all my bloodwork comes back normal.

If I would have had a month like this two and a half years ago, I'm pretty sure I would not have survived it, and my family would have had to deal with it all by them selves.

I think the worst parts are over, and the healing can begin now. We are strong and we talk about things which is healthy too.

Thanks for listening.

[Odyssey13]

@bcalvanese  you've had quite a rough time and I'm sorry you've had such heartbreak. It's never easy losing our loved ones.

Sounds like your wife was right in getting you to go to the doctor.  I'm glad your she is there for you to keep you on track. Losing your daughter has been hard on you both, so keep an eye on your wife, too.

You'll never forget those who have passed on, but there will be a day when it doesn't hurt so much. Then there will be another day when you'll look back with a smile when a memory comes to mind. I'm glad you're talking together about all this. Keeping it in just makes it harder.

Perhaps posting on the forums is a way to let go of the stress and pain. You're not alone. Others have shared their sorrows and have had the community gather around them. We're an awesome group, because no matter what happens, we truly care.

Wish there was more I could say, @bcalvanese , to help you feel more at peace. Sometimes all we can do in these times is to take baby steps and to keep breathing. Take care of yourself and stay on this journey that made your daughter proud of her dad.

[Dominique]

Very sorry to hear about your losses and the adversity you have faced lately. Although we don’t know each others personally, we have been hanging out on the same forums, are Fitbit friends, take part in the same challenges and it therefore feels like we are part of the same circle. Be strong, my friend. 

[Bhuvana]

My heart goes out for you! . I am literally in tears after reading this. I know these losses cannot be replaced, as you said, at least you are surviving these heart breaking / rough times. Take care of yourself and be strong!

[MarciM]

@bcalvaneseMy heart aches for you and your family. Losing someone you love it always difficult, but losing someone to addiction is a multifaceted loss and can leaving you questions many things. I hope you can find peace and know if your heart, you did what you could, but ultimately is was in your daughter hands. Keep talking to your family and I would encourage you to find other that have shared similar losses, you will likely find comfort and understanding from those that have too lose someone to addiction. You are in my thoughts and prayers. 

[WendyB]

Sorry sorry to hear about your losses. I'm sure its been very hard to deal with and still is.

It will get easier sometime. Hang in there

[Pamela_June]

I send you love, prayers and (((hugs))) - going thru to much loss in such a short time brings tears to my eyes.   Stay strong - and remember you always have us to lean on when necessary.

[SantiR]

@bcalvanese I'm truly sorry to hear about your loses. The whole Fitbit family is with you in these though times you are having. 

I went through something similar the past month of July. My father suffered a brain aneurysm. This caused a lot of things to change, like having to look for a new house and having to check on my mother all the time and do my father's job plus my own job and education. The worst month of my life. 

As you said, talking about these things is healthy for our minds and hearts. We need to stick together in feeling to grow stronger and overcome this bad situations. All together. I'll have you and your family in my prayers. 

[vivitan1506]

Hope things get better for you.

Move on and keep exercising 🙂

[Esya]

@bcalvanese

I am sorry to hear you had so much to go through and are still going through. It is not easy, but I am also relieved to read you already find that time moves on. While things will never go back to the way they were, it is not a question if things will get better (no matter how dark it has to get first), but when they will get better. Therefore I am happy you made it through the dark time as after that there is only one way and that is up.

[emili]

@bcalvanese my heart aches for what you and your loved ones have gone through. Loss is such a personal thing that although we can empathize and sympathize its difficult to relate to your loss, your pain. I love that you are finding the positive in you, the things you are doing, those around you. It is alright to be sad, mad, question things, but you can't get lost in that. You are finding your way and pulling your loved ones along. You are a strong man and you will get through this. Hugs to you and my deepest condolences to you and your family.

[sbulla]

So sorry for your loss!  I also have a daughter and a niece who are suffering from addiction to drugs.  It takes such a toll on the family.  Our biggest fear is what you are going through.  I pray that God will give you comfort.