supportive spouses

[beastmode1122]

how does everyone with a naturally healthy spouse continue on the fitness journey without the spouses support? my husband calls me a gym rat and hates that i want to always reach my step goal for the day and my activity. He says i am not thinking like a mother should.  I still go to the gym and do my activities in the evening after/before kids are in bed or at school.  any thoughts and help  on this topic would be great please. thanks and happy fitness trails to you!! 🙂

[WendyB]

Welcome to the forums!

I would sit down with him and have a talk. Your needs are important and he needs to know that. I don't think he understands it

I wish you the best. Please keep us psoted

[Harbourboy]

What do you mean by "naturally healthy"?

[Odyssey13]

I agree with @WendyB that you should have a talk with your husband. It could be he feels unsure because you're making some positive changes in your life. Seeing a spouse changing can be a cause of concern for some people. He may need some reassurance that the changes won't be a problem with your relationship.

As long as you're still doing the mom thing with the kids, taking care of your marriage and doing whatever you need around the house, he should get comfortable in time. You may need to give him time to get used to things. Look at your schedule and see if you can go to the gym while he's at work and include the family in your stepping time.

No mother can be everything for her children without carving a bit of time for herself. Without that time to refresh, she'd be exhausted and that's not good for anyone.

Wishing you well as you make this journey..

[KimmyKim]

I'm in a similar boat.  My spouse is trying to be supportive but I know he's not completely ok with me being fitness oriented.  

[Odyssey13]

@KimmyKim welcome to the community.

If your husband is trying, it's in his heart to be supportive. Ask him why he's not completely ok with things and see if you can address those concerns. Might be he's just unsure of what these changes mean for him and your marriage. Give him the same understanding that you want from him.

This community is here to offer support, so come on back and post as you have time.

[Raviv]

I have one of those too - can eat anything he wants (ice cream, candy, cookies) and never gains more than ten pounds.  He joined my gym a few months ago, thinking we could workout together sometimes, but he has only gone once, mostly due to an erratic schedule.

He has always been supportive no matter what I'm trying to do, but I think it home for him one day when I was typing a post on another forum.  He was sitting next to me and happened to look over.  "Are you correcting someone else on the internet?" he said with a big grin.  "Nope.  Some of my friends are trying to walk or run 1,000 miles this year."  He was a little surprised and looked at the numbers I was typing in.  I had logged about 23 miles that week, and that was before I really started seriously running.

That was when it sunk in for him - I have to work that hard to not gain weight, let alone lose any.  He never understood before because it came easy for him.  I completely understood because it used to come easy for me too.  But menopause and multiple concussions...  So he started getting better about not bringing things home for himself (and my son, who is young and an athlete) after that.

In your situation, it really comes down to two things - being an example for your kids and having realistic expectations for yourself.

I don't know you.  This is your first post, so I don't know if you're 10 or 100 pounds overweight.  I also don't know if you spend 4 hours at the gym every single day of the week or go for half an hour every other day.  So I can't get into whether either of you has a legitimate complaint or not.  Only the two of you can decide that.

If you are more than a few pounds overweight or are training for some sport and spend an hour or so at the gym every other day, I think that's a really good example for your kids.  They need to see that taking care of your body and making sure it functions properly is a normal part of life - or at least it should be.

If you spend half your day at the gym every day, desperately trying to lose those last five pounds - maybe not such a great example for your kids as far as accepting yourself as an imperfect but still worthwhile being.  Not to mention priorities.

Like I said, I don't know which of these is you, or maybe somewhere in the middle, so I can't say that your spouse must be supportive of your gym routine.  That's for you and your husband to work out.  But I do think the kids need a good example either way, whether that's doing what needs to be done to get yourself healthy or being accepting of our own imperfections.

[KimmyKim]

Thank you @Odyssey13 for the welcome aboard.  I'm still trying to figure out the forums and how to properly, find and answer posts.  My Husband is a burly guy who is a little overweight.  He can lose weight super easy when he puts his mind to doing it.  He gripes about his own weight from time to time, and he's asked me to help him in ways that I knew would be unproductive for him.  He wanted me to nag him about what he eats.  That just caused him resentment so I don't do that.  I tell him he knows what he needs to do, he's been successful in the past and he knows it all comes down to his own mind set.  He's the type of guy who dislikes the gym and fitness people.  He actually refers to me and others like me as "you fitness people".  I've learned to ignore that kind of negativity.  He as even admitted to being jealous because he doesn't have the time to devout to a fitness routine, and he sees how things have progressed for me over the last few years and he's feeling a little left behind.  He's also expressed he's concerned I'll leave him for someone "better".   So the jealousy and the insecurity gets the better of him somedays so I try not to talk too much about fitness related topics or to talk about my small gains.  It does bother me sometimes, but I try not to let it get to me.

[WendyB]

@KimmyKim Im really sorry he is this way. I have a friend who DH is like this.  Sadly you just need to ignore it. Im sure you have tried to talk to him and he is problaly ok for a few days then goes back.

Some people are scared of change. My DH at one time told me I was spending to much time walking and going to the gym. And when I explained to him I needed it he left me  alone. But Not all people are like this.

But it really sounds like you have learned to deal with it.

[beastmode1122]

Able to eat whatever he wants and still be able to go run a 5k with no problems. Also just has that natural slender figure.

[beastmode1122]

I too think he is a little jelous because he does think I will will leave him for Mr gym freak like me. I just want to be healthy and around for many more years for my kids and the grand babies once my kids get waaay older 😉

[beastmode1122]

It's hard for me to maintain my weight as well I really have to work at it as well. I spend 2hrs at gym everyday m-f Saturday and Sunday rest days. Also I walk/jog at night everyday. I have lost 106 lbs in a year. 🙂 I don't want to go back to that.

[Odyssey13]

How are you today @KimmyKim ?

Your husband should see these changes as something you're doing in order to live a healthier and longer life, not as a way to find someone better! We all have insecurities and seeing someone make changes can have us thinking the wrong thoughts.

FEAR is:

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

Tell your dear husband he has nothing to fear. A healthier and happier wife is something wonderful.

You're doing great on the forums. It takes a bit of time to get used to the format, but we all were new once.

Maybe you can get him to take walks with you when there is time and he'll start to see how important it is to you.

Have a great weekend and happy stepping.

[Odyssey13]

@beastmode1122  You're doing this for all the right reasons. It's hard enough to keep up with the kids when you're in excellent shape. You'll be ready for those grandkids when it happens many years in the future.

LIke I posted above to @KimmyKim your husband needs to stop worrying and start seeing that you're happier when healthier.

[SantiR]

If I had a wife I'll be completely happy for her to go to the gym because I know that it will make her happy and healthier. She will even have a better attitude, because she is healthy and maybe I can join her sometimes to go for a run and spend some time together doing something different! 

[KathleenGage]

Really interesting topic. And I agree with those who recommend you talk with your husband and let him know that you being healthy is going to be great for your relationship. After all, you can do more activities as a family when both you and your husband are healthy.

The fact is, when one person in a relationship makes a major change, the other person has to make adjustments and changes too, whether they want to or not.

Wishing you the best and in your conversations with your husband.

[AlejandraFitbit]

Hi @beastmode1122 It's a shame that your husbands thinks that way, if you want to be healty and in shape, go for it! You are doing this for you and because you want to be good with yourself, your husband should see this like a benefit for him too, he will have a beatiful wife for himself! 

[SunsetRunner]

@beastmode1122 As everyone here mentioned before I think communicating is the key. I'm also naturally thin and I know how fitness and gym can seem sometimes like not that worthy so I get why he might think you are spending to much time. But in this case he just needs to understand your perspective. He needs to get that you are doing this to be happier, healthier and simply that you are doing this for you. 

He also needs to understand that you being happier/healthier means that you will  bring a positive attitude into the family and into the couple, you will have more energy in general. That means that the whole family will benefit from it. More energy means more patience and I think that every parent knows how this is a good thing if you have kids. More energy also means that you will be able to do more things and that you will be in a better mood at the end of the day so you can do more activities as a couple.

Also why not do some workouts together check this post from another spouse about the joys of couple workouts.

Best of luck and hang in there!

[fitmissjen]

My spouse is pretty good. 

The only form of fitness he will partake in tho, is going for a walk or MTBing. 

I know he tries his best to support me, but i think he does find it hard at times.

Meal times is hardest for us. He is happy to cook, but with me being so strict it really limits what he can make. Hes happy to scoff down a meal of bacon, potatoes and a few veges...which is not to my liking!

[I-train-hard]

Well, supportive significant other is not always as supportive as you might think.

Every day I have an hour for me and my training and so far not a single problem at all. However; I have a few rules that I don’t break.

1. I don’t take anybody’s cell number or give mine
2. I don’t flirt with women
3. I am always wearing my wedding ring