Addicted to food

[Mugsie_Magooski]

Hi, everyone, 

I have a problem with food.  I have since as far back as I can remember, but now that I'm almost 30, I need to finally get my life on a healthy track.  I've had my ups and downs, but my major problem is always portion control and exercise.  I'll go through phases where I'm "GOING to change my ways,"  and it's never "I'm going on a diet,"  but more "I'm going to make healthier choices."  I joined a gym last spring and was working out consistently 3 times a week.  I was eating pretty well and I felt great!  I lost 12 pounds in 2 months, which was right on par with my goal (I wanted to be healthy about it and lose about 2 pounds a week).  Here's my body bio:

Height: 5'9"

Weight (currently): 203

Age: 28

After that great bout of working out and eating right, summer came and (I'm a teacher) I started my summer job (assistant summer camp director), which completely threw off my schedule.  I didn't work out (but still went biking with my boyfriend every week) and my weight stayed consistently between 199-203.  

School started up again, but I had moved and started grad school. I'm super busy all of the time and I haven't gotten my new gym membership yet.

Here's what worries me about myself when it comes to food and exercise:

-I'm very lazy.  I love the feeling I get when I work out, but at the end of a day of work, all I want to do is lounge on the couch and watch Netflix (when I'm not doing h.w.)

-I've never been the sporty type, so being active is NOT in my nature.  I hate that.  My boyfriend works out regularly and is in great shape.  He's very encouraging, which helps.

-An interesting note: I am crazy **ahem** about what I buy at the grocery store.  I look at every label and I make sure I am only buying healthy foods: whole grains, organic, fruits, veggies, healthy fats (avocado, peanut butter made from peanuts only), very limited processed foods.  HOWEVER, I end up spending lots of money daily buying supplimental foods (at work: pretzels, fun size candy bars, soda [which i used to be totally fine without, and now for some reason tell myself i need the caffeine when I dont have coffee around...even though it gives me a headache and slows me down], eating treats in the teacher's lounge, etc...On grad class days: fast food [I choose a grilled chicken sandwich to "feel" healthy, but then can't resist ordering the cheese curds and a shake to go with it])

-I.AM.ADDICTED.TO.FOOD.  I recently really, truly realized this.  I've never fully accepted it before, but looking at my behavior with food, it's pretty evident.  I feel guilty when I eat on a full stomach.  I know full well that I'm not hungry and as I'm opening that bag of chips or what have you I'm saying in my head "don't do this, don't do this," but I still do.  I'll buy fun-size candy bars from our work snack cart and sneak them into my pocket so that no one knows that I have them.  I'll eat them quickly while no one is around.  At home, when my boyfriend isn't around, I'll snack all night, even when I feel painfully full.  It's like a boredom reflex or a comfort thing or both, but I absolutely hate it.  Another thing that keyed me into this addiction theory is that I get angry/crabby if I'm told I can't have food that I've decided I want.  Example: If I brought a healthy lunch to school and I don't have crackers or some sort of carb in there to snack on, I get angry with myself and it ruins my mood for a little while.

I was tracking my calories on here, on loseit, and on myfitnesspal for a while (separate times), but I always end up not tracking after awhile (especially when it requires entering in recipes I've cooked, which is frustrating, because that's the healthiest way to go).

I'm frustrated, angry with my lack of self-control, and SO uncomfortable with my body!  I'm hoping that writing this all down and sharing it in here will help me to process these thoughts and finally stick to a healthy lifestyle.  These days when I have eaten more than I should,I feel so lazy, big, and discouraged.

If anyone has read this whole thing, thank you for sticking through and hearing my thoughts!  Thank you for allowing me a safe place to express this all openly.  I've never admitted my food addiction.  

[Odyssey13]

Hello and welcome to the forums @Mugsie_Magooski

You showed real courage sharing this with us. Opening yourself like this is the beginning of facing the truth and making those needed changes in your life.

Didn't you feel better getting that written down and no longer hidden inside? You know you need to live differently and you know your problem areas. Facing this head on is the only way to go.

You had problems keeping track of your food intake with Fitbit and MFP. Why not keep a notebook and write down everything you eat each time you put something into your mouth. Don't concentrate on the calories, but write down what you ate and the time. Make note of your mood - were you bored when you ate the candy or mindlessly downed a pint of ice cream while watching a movie? Knowing what you eat helps, but also knowing your mood and what was going on at the time can be an eye opener. Try doing it and see if it helps you to see what's going on.

Example: 7:15 am oatmeal, banana, orange juice - just waking up

12:10 pm small salad with ranch, turkey sandwich - rushed

 3:30 pm candy bar and soda - had a bad afternoon

7:00 pm grilled chicken, brocolli, rice and roll - tired after shopping

8:30 pm bag of chips - bored, watching movie, feel bloated

You say you get crabby/angry if you can't get your food. Is it because you've gone too long without eating and are really hungry ? We all have a relationship with food, not all relationships are healthy. You need to know when and what to eat and not just eat with total abandonment. It's far too easy to sit and eat the popcorn, chips or cookies without thinking about it.

Think of food as nourishment for your body, not as comfort for your emotions. Eat when you're really hungry and not because you're bored, unhappy, lonely, sad, etc. Make a choice not to eat anything unless you write it down and know why you're eating it.

You can do this, but it won't happen overnight, but it will happen over time. Take it one hour, one day, one week at a time and don't be so hard on yourself. Think of putting good thoughts into your mind as being just as important as putting good food into your body.

It's easy to feel discouraged, but with this forum, you'll find much support. Not everyone has a supportive boyfriend, so it's great that your guy is there for you. Now, you have to be there for yourself, too.

So, no more negative thoughts. Yes, you're overweight and frustrated, but that's today. Tomorrow is waiting with all the good things you want for your life. Just reach out and start stepping towards your future. I know you can do this @Mugsie_Magooski because you deserve it.

Stay in touch. These forums are the best place to come when you need to let those feelings out.

[I-train-hard]

Finally, someone who likes food as much as I do.

203 with 5.9” not bad at all. Any idea what your body % of fat?

You are lazy, buying too much food – awesome! You already know what you doing wrong when a lot of people have no **ahem**ing clue and would never figure it out.

Do you want to change and become a fitter person?

Fitter doesn’t mean skinny unhealthy runner etc. Ask yourself if you are ready to change your habits….

Everything else is pure b/s …….

[divedragon]

Once you admit your problem, it gets easier.  Almost like a 12 step program.  I'm not that different from you and I'm a heck of a lot older, but I am a guy, so that does make weight loss easier it seems.  My vices include salty snacks and alcohol and the only thing that saves me is limiting how often I can buy chips and my counting my calories to include these things.  A vice always comes with a price, so instead of making that price fat gain, its' now giving up food quantity to accomodate the added calories.  Since I only eat once a day now anyway, that will just prolong the pain of fasting...

But the pain of fasting is manageable by pretending that strong hunger sensation is actually my body dissolving the fat and consuming it.  I imagine my blood flowing through the fat stores and the fat dissolving into it, being carried to my muscles and brain and feeding them.

Exercise is another demon in itself.  Just this morning when the alarm went off at 5, I wanted so bad to turn it off for another 30 minutes of sleep.  Then I thought about all the workweek step challenges I'm involved in and, because I'm competitive, I didn't want to get behind so up I got and out into the cool, dark morning air I went.  Yesterday, I actually ran most of the way and felt good, but today the legs were sore and I had some intestinal distress, so it was just a fast walk - but I got 7k in steps.  As I mentioned above, I eat only once a day following a protocol of intermittent fasting.  Because of this, I use the time where I would eat to walk.  I'm heading out now in fact to walk during the lunch hour.  I travel for work so twice a week I'm trugging through airports.  If I have time between flights, I walk up and down the concorses.  I, like you, am very busy so I try to take advantage of every moment of what used to be down time and just walk - keep moving.  I also have basically a desk job, so it helps keep me fresh.

You can do this.  You've admitted your problem to yourself.  Honesty with ourselves is often the biggest obstical.  Resolve to stay honest with yourself.  For a while, when I got out of the shower and saw myself, I called myself a 'fat **ahem**' - it's getting harder to do that, but I still have some ground to cover.  Find what motivates you and use it to your fullest advantage.  Stay positive! 

[awood08]

First off you are very brave for sharing your deepest food secrets. Many people who struggle with their weight will not openly express their issues or acknowledge that there is a problem. That's a huge first step. I can say I had a food addiction, rather a complete lack of intiative or desire to do anything other than feed myself when I had any mood. Happy, sad, angry, depressed, bored....I would always turn to food. Figured up I was eating close to 3,000-4,000 calories on any given day. Consistently made excuses for why it was "Okay" to be heavy and how it didn't matter because my husband and kids and family loved me any way. I had that "ah ha" moment you just did, I felt uncomfortable, fat, lazy, basically pathetic to be so heavy and so miserable. I've had those moments in the past where I do good for a few days, weeks or even a couple months and then fall off the wagon and give up. You have got to want it for yourself. It sounds like you have the tools (a boyfriend that works out) and the "ah ha" moment that you realize your not living like you want to. Just need to dig your heels in and get started!

I'm not sure what clicked this time for me but having my 6 year old son ask me why I couldn't get off my big butt and get the remote pretty much lit a fire under that big fat butt lol

I still eat things I enjoy at times, ice cream, mozzarella sticks, a cheeseburger, pizza, etc. but it's all about moderation. I'm down 42 pounds since June and looking at my before an after pics are keeping me motivated. I don't know if this has helped you at all but I completely get where you are coming from. I really hope you find what works best for you and you get where you want to be!

[I-train-hard]

awood08 

42 lbs - awesome!!! 

[annotm]

Hi @Odyssey13 I just read your response to Mugsie post. "Think of food as nourishment for your body, not as comfort for your emotions. Eat when you're really hungry and not because you're bored, unhappy, lonely, sad, etc. Make a choice not to eat anything unless you write it down and know why you're eating it." My personal problem is I don't know what to do that works when I can't eat to comfort my emotions. I eat for all different emotions. If I write it down I just feel bad regardless. I'll feel bad that I ate the bad thing and I'll feel bad that I "don't" get to get the item I want. It's almost like I'm a toddler in my head throwing a fit if I don't get to eat what I want. I have maintained my weight 195 lbs but need to be closer to 150 lbs. If I finally get on a good eatting habit for 2 weeks or so then all of the sudden I'll over eat my calories and keep going through out the next couple of days because I'm so bummed out that I can't stop. 😞 I'm close to asking my doctor, who already offered to prescribe for me, to give me pills. BUT I'm hesitant because I feel like I have an emotional tie to food so when I get off the meds i'll just gain it all back. 😞 Any advise?

[I-train-hard]

You don’t have problem with food, your emotions are the problem. You are not alone.

Remember, emotions are just emotions. They are neither good or bad. You, and only give your emotions meaning, no one else.

How is your stress level?

Do you do any exercise?

Question, if you get to 150 lbs. would you feel better, more secure, less emotional? You don’t need to write it down your answers. Just be honest with yourself.

[HelenaFitbit]

This is the perfect place to vent out this problem, you'll find the Fitbit Community to be a helpful and supportive place to achieve your goals, step by step 

Trust me, I've been there. We try to move more, eat better and then we end up doing the opposite of what we wish to accomplish.I find myself at that place more often than I'd like. Why don't you get a couple buddies to join you on your weight loss path?

Also, check the real reasons why you are over eating, stress, boredom?  If you think you are overeating for emotional reasons, I recommend to take a look on Overeaters Anonymous' website https://www.oa.org/

I found comfort in Overeaters Anonymous meetings, since I knew I was eating my feelings every now and then. A support group like this will help you feel at peace with your surroundings and yourself.

You can do this! Welcome to the forums 

[Strem2]

So many good answers, and yes, Mugsie, you are already part way there with being honest.  One self criticism you can let go of, is lazy.   You are in grad school, and have a boyfriend, and are working!!! That's not lazy.  Anyway, self criticism doesn't help but hinders any change.  Self honesty is helpful. 

I would ask, why?  What's your why for wanting to get off the couch and give up Netflix?  What's your why for wanting to give up pretzels? 

I'm 66 years old, and my "why" is pain.  If I spend too much time on the couch, or eat empty or white carbs, I feel pain.  That's a great motivator.  I don't see such a motivator in your description.  Perhaps you should spend some time with that because without a powerful and motivating "why" no one changes.  Once you have committment, and a goal, your own intuitions will guide you.

Best of luck to you all.  Very thoughtful and poignant answers!

[SunsetRunner]

stats are not that bad, could be cutting sugar intake too much too fast?

I know the feeling, before I could not give the monkeys re how much sugar etc are in the food that I buy, know I am obssessed checking everything 🙂

sign up to myfitnesspal and log everything you eat and the exercise you do, you will need to be honest, but eventually it will become second nature

[I-train-hard]

Sugar is really good- after workout or b/4 it.

Get the real sugar not the f….g fructose.  Feel the power of your muscle! 

[ninjamidget25]

You're already on the right track by realizing that this is a difficulty for you.  Since you're under 30, you will probably find it easier to change habits than someone my age (44).   The best thing I've found it to take the long view and understand that it will be a life-long process with it's own ups and downs.  Push yourself to succeed and cut yourself some slack when you have the stumbles, and you'll do just fine.  I'm right there with ya on the portion control and exercise.  That's the real trick.  But, like I said, you're already on the right track because you are seriously thinking about these things.  I have to ask, since you mentioned cheese curds, are you in Wisconsin?

[vegan_valkyrie]

I see that this is an older post, but I wanted to share what I have learned has helped me. 

I too have this same relationship with food. I have my whole life, and it didnt help when my mom signed me up (after me begging her to do it) for a weight loss "clinic" at around 14. I have always been a sneaky eater, and joining this clinic only made it worse. Now 17 years later I still struggle to control my sneaky snacking and in that time I actually developed an eating disorder trying to control my "Mr. Hyde" side. 

Im still not 100% completely in control of my junk food eating, and still have binge moments, but finding documentaries like "Hungry for Change" or "Fed Up" or "Food Matters" and "Food Choices" that talk about two things I have struggled with, 1.) minimizing my animal foods intake (I have been working towards veganism since I was 19, cheese is a drug lol) and 2.) the kinds of foods that really matter, Whole Foods Plant Based diet. 

Wholly cow, can I attest to WFPB helping me curb my binge eating and helping to heal my relationship with food. Knowing that I can make a batch of cookies and if I eat half the batch, I know that everything in those cookies aside from the little sugar and chocolate, is good for me. Or if I make a batch of "cheese" (white potato and carrots or sweet potato steamed and blended with some spices and stuff) and end up taste testing a third of it, I feel more emotionally at ease knowing that its really not fatty and junk food, but still just as indulgent. Craving ice cream? Frozen bananas, little non-dairy milk and sweetener/spices/choco chips blended up... or I recently found "dessert tofu" and love it frozen and put in place of the bananas. 

Theyre not always low in calories, but if its a treat, I really feel so much more at ease knowing I dont need to feel shame afterwards like I used to when I bought lots of cheap treats from the store and inevitably later binged on them because I bought them (if my boyfriend spends his money on junk food, I tell myself it is his, I shouldnt eat it and that helps keep me out of the "Party Size" container of Oreos that he cant seem to live without) and I know that they are in the cabinet for everyone. Also, there is no way you can eat a whole batch of cookies made with ground oats as easily as you can ones made with refined white flour. 

Also, now when I do choose to eat typical processed stuff, I can feel the difference, I just feel like a processed food addict again (weekends are my hardest times and thats typically when I fail) I feel cranky, bloated, thirsty, tired, dont wanna do anything but sit and watch tv.. and constantly thinking about the next "fix"...

These blogs have helped me out with some of that too. 

"Clean Food Dirty Girl" Molly Patrick

"How to not eat cake... really fast, standing up, when nobody's looking" Isabel Foxen Duke

Hope this finds you well,

Fellow Food Addict ❤️