Eating Disorder and loosing weight

[katiedidkorner]

I am Katie and I'm new to fitbit.  I am looking for people who have experienced eating disorders or have a professional background to help.

I suffered from anorexia as a teen/young adult.  I had a traumatic experience as a child and I think that's what set it in motion.  I got married at 20 and for about a year I was healthy.  I was diagnosed with IBS and even though I went to counseling for years with the anorexia, I think I never really beat the eating disorder.  Now it has flipped to a binging disorder where I will actually buy food and hide it in the house to binge on in secret.  I'm 5'7" and I have gone from 120lbs when I got married to now 275 lbs 13 years later.  I've had 3 kids (3 c sections), and I know I will never be 120lbs again.  But I want to be healthy. 

I have gone to my doctor and we are working on a plan, fitbit being part of that.  But I feel like no one really knows what it's like to have your mind so consumed by food that it causes anxiety.  Everyone says "just don't".  Just don't eat it.  Just don't buy it.  Just don't give in.  Well, if it were that easy, I wouldn't be fat.

Is there anyone else who knows what I'm talking about? 

[iMike]

Hi Katie, welcome to fitbit.  I haven't been officially diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I'm currently 100lbs overweight and much of that comes from binging food.  Let's face it, food is comfortable, and I've progressed from binging when I'm anxious or sad to bingining when I'm bored.  I'm not a fan of self-diagnosis, but I think it's relatively safe to say I also suffer from a binging disorder.  I begin seeing a therapist in a couple of weeks and I'm also considering a few sessions with a dietician as well. 

I can't relate to the hiding of food, but my partner and I work opposite schedules so it's sometimes very common for me to eat two full meals at work, and those meals are rarely healthy.  I always feel guilty because I know I would not eat this way in front of him.  Sometimes when he goes out with friends, even if we've just eaten dinner, I'll eat an entire plate of nachos in front of the TV.  My social life and my relationship have suffered due to this destructive behavior.

I also relate to how it feels to have someone say "Well just stop binging!" or "It's just willpower Mike, knock it off" or (the one I hate the most) "It's just as simple as calories in vs. calories out, if you really cared about your body you wouldn't abuse it."  Clearly if I could make that connection I wouldn't have allowed myself to massively overweight.  The cycle can be brutal ... binging to the point you feel sick, feeling incredibly guilty about it, and then repeating the behavior because you feel guilty.

[katiedidkorner]

Thanks for sharing.  I think it's a good idea to see a therapist.  I am considering going back myself.  I know what you mean about eating while your partener isn't home.  My husband is often gone in the evenings, which is when I binge.  My struggle is that there is an excitement leading up to it, like it's all I can think about till he leaves and I can eat what I was hiding.  I usually can't even taste the food because I eat it so fast, and then feel sick.  I am the same about my cravings.  I'll wake up thinking about a particular food.  Because I run a home daycare I can't just go to the store to get it, so right away my mind starts running, trying to figure out when I can get out of the house to get what the craving is.  It's not right.  I know that.  But in the moment, I am often unable to fight it.

I just started reading this book called Made to Crave.  It says that based on Scripture, God made us to crave.  In Matthew, Jesus tells us to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, and mind.  I think that's very much craving, right?  But I have turned to food to fill taht craving when I should be turning to the Lord.  Her suggestion is to pray when I get a craving, because God wants to help, even in the small things like this.  But that can only go so far for me.  It has helped a lot.  I think me and Jesus are getting super familiar these days. lol  But ultimately I think I do need to address what the real issue is, that has manifested itself in food.

[Bobbinyc]

Hi Katie and Mike,
I know what a struggle it can be to deal with food issues. You are both doing a great job talking about it and getting support. I agree, there is no simple answer, and shame on anyone who makes you feel ashamed for not "just doing it right". There is no magic wand. It is complicated to explore and unravel our relationship with food and how we use it to fill the holes in our lives or to avoid dealing with pain directly. As a therapist, I think of eating issues as a coping mechanism. Unfortunately, what initially helps us cope with something painful, can become its own problem. That is not anyones fault. That was an attempt to ease pain. Now it is time to find a better way. That takes the hard work of looking At yourself on a deeper level, with respect and compassion and appreciation, and learning to fill the voids and ease the pain in a way that is more kind and healthful. There are therapists around who specialize in that. it takes someone with a lot of knowledge and experience, as well as someone who is a good match for you. Dont give up on getting help. It can also be useful to find a support group of people in the recovery process; people who have found some ways to move through recovery in a positive manner and can support that. I know a lot of people who have gone through rehab for earing disorders, and have ecentually changed how they relate to food and to their bodies. They often describe it as freeing, and allowing them to have more success, healthier relationships and a greater self-respect, and letting go of the shame.
I wish you both the very beat.

[HopeGraceLove]

Hi @katiedidkorner. I resonate with your story so much, and I want you to know there is hope. I battled anorexia in my early 20s, and it turned to binging and bulimia. I became so desperate that I seriously considered suicide. I couldn't understand why I had these uncontrollable urges and cravings. Why coudn't I just stop? What was wrong with me? When you talk about hiding food, been there. Eating enormous amounts of food, done. Consuming so much that you get sick, yep.

For me, I needed help. I couldn't do it on my own, despite trying for years. I started going to a therapist and I only kept getting worse. I began to believe that I really was beyond hope. Then someone recommended another counselor who had gone through an eating disorder herself. I was enrolled in intensive group therapy and a twelve step program (similar to AA), and slowly and surely I began to understand that my problem really wasn't my eating, it was my thinking. My eating habits were merely a symptom of many deeper issues. 

I love that you mentioned God as part of your journey. That was huge for me. I had so many misconceptions of who God was and even more so, his grace. I wish you the best and will be praying for you. If you like, I can friend you and maybe we can help each other stay accountable. That's a major part of recovery, too. You've taken the first step and have been very open about your struggles, which is awesome.

[knicc13]

Hello,

I totally get where you are coming from. I battled anorexia myself in high school and came out on top thanks to a year of therapy with an eating disorder specialist in conjunction with an RD who specialized in eating disorders. This is key! I got my graduate degree in clinical psychology and quickly realized how uneducated the general psychology field is about eating disorders, and that it is more of a specialization that people go into post-graduation. I would really look for someone who has extensive work in this area, it can make all the difference in the world in the understanding of what you're going through as well as the rapport you can build with your therapist. Do not give up hope! BE sick and tired of being sick and tired! You are worth more than this separate entity that is taking over your mind and body. 

[livingproof006]

I was anorexic in high school. Thankfully, I had decided to join the Marine Corps when I was a child and when I talked to a recruiter he told me I would have to gain at least 20 pounds before he would let me DEP. I got healthy and served. Since getting out I have been struggling with my weight. I gained a lot after I got out and lost it. Then gained it - then lost it. Recently I have been feeling so crazy because I binge every single night. I tell myself not to do it but like clockwork here I am stuffing my face for an hour or so feeling terrible the whole time. I am so frustrated. Why do I do this? I know I shouldn't but I feel compelled too. I have been doing this for a few months now. I did some google research and the first thing to pop up was binge eating disorder. The more I read the more true it all sounds. I will be making an appointment with my doctor this upcoming week to get help but still...I feel so ashamed. I know how to be healthy but I have lost all control and I get SO mad at myself and feel so defeated. It is a relief to know there are others out there that struggle with this issue as well. 

[livingproof006]

I hope you don't mind my asking but how is your treatment plan going so far? What all has your doctor done to help you with your BED? 

[Kantannalynn]

I have literally lived in the same boat. If you want my advice please add me. Its more complex that a quick answer. But I am happy to say that fitbit has helped me move to a more healthy relationship with food and losing weight the healthy way.