Trying to figure this all out

[Dove1984]

Okay so looking for ideas. I'm a stay at home mom of an autistic 7 year old and a VERY active 15 month old who refuses to stay confined in a pack n play, crib, jumper, ect. I also am the only one in the house who cooks and my fiancé is SUPER picky. If dinner is something he "doesn't like" or is made with even 1 ingredient he "doesn't like" he will not even touch it and will live off pop tarts at work which only makes me feel 100 times worse because he shouldn't have to live on that because I'm trying to change me.

I'm also trying to figure out what to do to get me moving. My goal is to be able to walk 12+ miles in 1 day by the end of summer. I'm trying to do this without spending $45/mo on a gym and daycare for my 15 month old and my 7 year old. I don't really have the money to be spending plus my son has several activities planned all summer long.

I'm running out of motivation and ideas. I have tried having my fiancé take my son in the bedroom so I can do my Wii exercises but that only lasted a few days because my fiancé works over nights and then would start coming home insisting that he needed to go to bed.

I have tried asking friends to walk with me but I'm not one that likes to walk the same route every time. I want variety and the ONLY friend I have will only walk in one area of town so I stopped even trying to walk with her.

I have no support and no one that helps to motivate me at all. Have 1 person that used to do weight loss challenges but those cost money I don't have. Getting frustrated and ready to just give up again. I'm 29 and weigh almost 300 lbs. I'm disgusted with myself day in and day out.

[MonicaJ]

First, I'll start with suggestions for making dinner: If your fiance is super picky, then he should be responsible for cooking for himself. People depending on others to cook meals for them can't afford to be that picky. If he eats Pop Tarts all day, that's not your problem. He is a grown man and can plan his own meals if he refuses to eat yours. I don't mean go out of your way to cook stuff he doesn't like, but you also need to cook for you.

Second, exercise: Try incorporating your baby into your workout. I take my 14-month-old on long walks in her stroller. She loves the movement, and she, too, doesn't like to be confined to cribs and other places. You can use the baby to do leg and arm lifts. too. 

Third, just a note: Your fiance can certainly find 30 minutes in his day to watch the children while you exercise. It sounds like he does a lot of complaining. Whether he is the biological father of your children or not (making no assumptions here), he is a daddy, and he should probably be helping more, even though you are a SAHM. 

[Dove1984]

I only wish that were the case. He admits to being lazy. He doesn't have to do any of this so why should he have to help. If I want it then I do it is all he says. He has gotten better about eating but if the veggies aren't mixed in he won't touch them. And the problem is that if it's not pizza, Mac n cheese, or something processed from a box he doesn't like it.

My 15 month old will be in a stroller but if you even stop for a few minutes he's screaming like he's being killed. As for doing arm lifts and leg lifts he's too squirrelly for me to feel safe lifting him that high. And if you hold him in a position that is even to keep him safe he throws a fit.

As for the helping to get workouts in there's 2 issues there. 1 I'm a stay at home mom so he shouldn't have to do anything but go to work and come home. It's the old fashioned belief. Second also ties in in that when he wants to sleep he wants to sleep. I'm the one that wants the workout so then I need to find a way to make it happen. He doesn't need to do it so it shouldn't affect him in the slightest.

[MonicaJ]

I wrote a long response to this, but frankly, you didn't ask for opinions about your relationship, so I deleted it. 

If you are committed to catering to your fiance's whims all day and can't get him to lift a finger to help you, then you'll probably need to fix separate meals for you and him. Or eat what he eats, but much less. 

As for exercise, it's OK if your baby cries once in awhile when you stop. Mine does, too, but it hasn't killed her yet. 

[Onoiam50]

Your ideas aren't old fashioned they are incorrect even fathers in the 40's were still involved/played with their children. If you are daft enough to put up with this then nothing anybody will say here will help. Check out ifit.com, a treadmill with ifit capabilty will give you the ability to walk/run all over the world by yourself and for whatever distance you want.

[Dove1984]

Okay going to bring this back up as well.  Here we are 14 months later.  We  have now found out that my fiance is autistic.  This explains a LOT about the picky eating.  And honestly he has gotten WAY better than he was 5 years ago.  He is actually wearing my old flex as I upgraded to a charge HR.  I'm 15 pounds heavier than I was when I first made this post.  He is supportive.  He thinks that things need to change and is on board however we still struggle with getting out because of the autism that seems to run rampant.  So please before you say walk out or before you say to let him cook himself or whatever understand the diagnosis.  Please understand that things are not just a live my way or walk away because I don't believe in walking out on someone just because of this.  It's not something that he has control over.  We have also found out that my now 8 year old has fructose malabsoprtion.  So having to watch his diet has helped a bit but we are just getting tired of meat, starch, veggie, dairy separately.  I need some new ideas here.  So hit me with what you have and understand if I shoot it down it's not a bad thing.  It just means that it doesn't work for our family.  I'm contemplating making my own portion sized TV dinners that are healthy that I can prep a week at at time but that's a lot in start up cost for something I can't guarantee I'm going to be able to stick to.

[Raviv]

First thing, which is generally how I approach almost any issue, is getting data.

Make a list of foods each of you can/will and cannot/won't eat.

Maybe you'll see that there are foods you all are able to enjoy, and you can make those the base of your meals.  Then you can have sides that work in what each of you is missing and are willing to eat.

So maybe base dinner off of a grilled chicken breast with a salad, then add whatever each person wants or needs in addition to that.  Kiddo gets carrots and peas, boyfriend gets olives and hardboiled egg or whatever he wants, and you get what you want.

It's not going to be easy.  I wish I could say it is.  But I do think getting all of your information together in one place, like on a spreadsheet or three pages of paper, will help with at least getting a handle on what you're dealing with.  And prepping certain foods ahead of time (boiling eggs, cutting up chicken, dicing vegetables) so they're ready to go is probably going to help some too.