After you lose the weight....

[awood08]

A little background, I've always been a average girl. In high school I played all kinds of sports from softball to volleyball, I was a cheerleader and was very active in clubs and organizations in school. My weight never really bothered me, I wasn't the smallest but I wasn't the biggest and I felt healthy and happy. After having my daughter and son, my weight skyrocketed to 235 pounds (even more before my tubal surgery) but when I finally decided to make a change 235 was what the scale read. At 5' 3" I was morbidly obese. I've lost 59 pounds and I'm down about 10 clothing sizes. I have all these compliments and people saying how wonderful I look. I'm even smaller than I was in high school.

Here's the kicker....I feel huge still. Like my eyes are lying to me, that it's not real. I still have this (lack of better words) "fat girl" mentality. I have to constantly put myself in check and remind myself of what i've accomplished. Loosing the weight was hard work, but I rocked it and had no problem pushing myself. But overcoming the mental changes are very difficult. I got to the point when I was at my heaviest that I just decided to get over the fact I would never be average again and I made excuses why it was okay.

Has anyone else who has lost weight struggled like this? My friends, family, & husband can't understand because they have never gone through this.

[Deksam]

I'm the type of person thats kept a handle on my gain/loss ratio throughout the years.  I do gain and lose generally 30 pounds off and on - fairly consistently and at my largest I still was never that heavy. (my max was about 204 lbs and I'm 5'9)

But during the loss phases, despite the steady loss of pounds each week, I still felt like it wasn't enough. Despite peoples compliments or them stating how I did look like I had been "working out a lot" lately all I really saw was the extra weight.

My girlfriend has been losing as well and there are days she just complains at how fat she feels and she sometimes feels like she's not doing her best if she eats something shes not supposed to. She's about 30 lbs down, with a total loss goal of 50, and even when she feels her fattest she looks great.  

A lot of it is about your perception of yourself, and confidence as well.  I find I also do this when I work on a project, and once its completed, all I see is what I should have done better -- and while everyone else assures me its fantastic, to me, its just the flaws that I can see. Perhaps you too are your own worst critic.

In the end though, what will fix this issue for you is time.  Time to get used to being who you are now.  Seeing what your new body can accomplish and feeling more confident.  

[smhermione]

I've felt like that @awood08.  Right now I'm at 150lbs at 5'7" which is 30lbs lighter than I was in high school (and 60lbs lighter than my worst) and I still see all of my flaws and have to remind myself that I am healthy and fine where I am.  I think part of the problem is that we all see for ourselves what under the clothing looks like and we can see all of the pudgy bits of fat and flaws that no one else can see because of clothing.  The truth is that everyone has those flaws, we just don't see them all.  This fall I gained back about 10 lbs and when people told me how skinny I looked, it kind of bugged me because I knew it was worse than a few months ago and I wasn't happy with how I felt.  I think that the focus should be on how your body feels, not how it looks.  If you feel good in your skin with your level of exercise and everything, to hell with the mirror.

I also liked what you said about "fat girl mentality" because it has taken me a long time after losing my weight to get over that.  I would still give objects a lot more space as I passed by for my girth that was no longer there.  I think that just takes time.

Good luck with your journey!

[emili]

so imagine going through that at 44. I too was never thin, but I wasn't overly big either. Until kids. I lost it pretty quick with my first, but my boy- phew, he did me in. I was 33 when I had him. six months after I had him, I weighed as much as I did with my first in my 9th month. I am 5'7. Ten years of up, down and around. At one time my motto was: the world needs fat girls. And then a man I was in class with (on line) asked me a simple question- what do you want. And it was like the flood gates opened. I changed everything about how I treat myself. Today, I am 135 pounds. I run, lift, box- I am fierce. My family, my friends, coworkers- tell me everyday how good I look. But 44 years is a long time to look at yourself one way and then see yourself your new way. some days I look in the mirror and try to suck in my belly- that actually isn't there- but I can see it. So I pull out my phone and I look at a pic I made- me before, me now. I pull out my size 14 pants and I hold them up to my size 4s. And then I thank my lucky stars for the guy, my willpower, my family and my body (not in that order). we will always have those moments- but I think we should. I think having those moments is what helps us resist the food our body doesn't want and to add another 10 minutes of sweat to our day. I think it makes us stronger, because it reinforces our story. We are fierce.

[awood08]

Thanks for all the info guys. My husband thinks I'm crazy, literally he told me to get help and talk to someone. I don't think he can begin to comprehend (he's 6' 3" and 140 pounds). I like the advice some of you gave, keep a pair of big jeans to compare yourself with when you have those moments of doubt. I did that last night and man, did I feel proud.

Thanks again!