How does one stop emotional eating?

[Naomi94]

Hello Fellow Fitbiter's,

One of the most common things I see in fitbit forums is that many people are emotional eaters. 

I've read comments where women and men state that they overeat after a death, divorce or just low self-esteem. The emotional eating is causing their obesity. We know it is a problem, we know it is happening, but how do we help a person who is doing it? What do we say to them to help them recognize when it is happening, or subsitute the comfort food gives them for something else?

I find that many of these people want to be coddled, and told that it isn't "their fault" that they are emotional eaters. So how do we advise or help these people?

[gerrymcd]

Emotional eating is different from 'real' hunger in a few ways.

Emotional hunger comes on 'out of the blue' or as an almost conscious response to a particular trigger (as opposed to passage of time since last meal), it also tends to be driven by cravings for particular categories of food (sweet, fatty, and/or salty - chips, ice cream, fries...).

The first step is recognizing if your hunger is physical or emotional.  If its the latter, simply by taking time and thinking why you are hungry you will kill your appetite to some degree.  But, if the cupboard is filled with chips 'n dip, and the freezer with ice cream.....that thats what ends up being eaten.  So, by just not having junk food on hand it will be more difficult to cave to emotional hunger.   Plus, if you recognize your current hunger as being emotional there are many things you can to kick yourself into a different mindset - shower, walk the dog, stretch, do some yoga.  Most emotional hunger goes away in 5 mins - if you let it! 

Basically....... and I might sound a bit newage/hippie/yoga..... it comes down to being present in the moment and mindfull of what you are eating.

As for people wanting to be coddled because of their emotional eating.  Yes, there are people like that - there are many people who don't/won't take responsibilty for their lives or actions.  But.... but....  food issues are complex.  Its not just down to emotional eating.  A lot of people are quite addicted to food -- there have been a number of studies that show sugar can be as addictive to some as cocaine.  The difference with being addicted to alcohol or drugs.....you can avoid your addictions totally.  Alcoholics don't ever go into a bar for 'just one beer' if they want to live sober.  However, people with food addictions have to eat.  But, they have to limit themselves to 'just one portion'.  So, yes I too am not empathetic with people who want to be coddled, but at the same time I know there are a lot of people with weight issues where this is not the case.  There are a lot of high functioning, well reasoned people out there who have food issues.  Yes, they might want to be supported in their efforts, and recognized for the results they get.....but not coddled.  

[Ukase]

For me - I'll tell you - I can resist anything but temptation. If there's something good in my house, in those evening to late night hours, I'll be wanting it. Some days, I'll plan for it by just not worrying about being in a calorie deficit - and just break even. Other days, I have to be more resolved. I've come across this theory/mantra on the internet. The rule of three. 

I tell myself that I won't give in to that temptation for 3 days. I've been wanting IHOP's all you can eat pancakes for weeks now. I told myself, "Self - just hold on for 3 days. Then, go pig out."  

Well, after 3 days, I still wanted to go, but waiting 3 days was easy. So, I said, wait 3 weeks. And that's been a little harder, but not impossible. By the time the 3 weeks was up, I didn't see any point in going, because I knew I should wait another 3 months. After 3 weeks, 3 months isn't that much harder. 

Psychologically speaking - the best way to deal with "emotional eating" is to try and identify what triggers those urges. For me, it's usually fatigue combined with frustration at something or someone. Once we can identify the triggers, it's almost a little easier to handle, but the trick is to try and avoid the triggers in the first place. 

Alternatively, if I don't have Nutella in the house, I won't be tempted by it. So - don't buy unhealthy foods. Oddly enough, after 3 months of trying to eat only homemade food and healthy foods like yogurt (which I'm not going to make myself), when a lady friend brought me some strawberry cake today, I tried it to be polite, and it was, well, disappointing. And this gal can bake - she makes money at it. I don't really enjoy sweets the way I used to - except peanut butter and nutella. The fats with sugars seem the hardest for me to avoid - so I just don't buy them - lest I eat the whole jar at one setting. 

[Jabrat]

Constantly remind them that they can do it - make them accountable - calendaring, buddy systems, etc.  Some people cannot do it by themselves - think about how successful Weight Watchers is!  Being accountable and they teach motivation in the classroom along with their weigh-ins!  

---

@Naomi94 wrote:

Hello Fellow Fitbiter's,

One of the most common things I see in fitbit forums is that many people are emotional eaters. 

I've read comments where women and men state that they overeat after a death, divorce or just low self-esteem. The emotional eating is causing their obesity. We know it is a problem, we know it is happening, but how do we help a person who is doing it? What do we say to them to help them recognize when it is happening, or subsitute the comfort food gives them for something else?

I find that many of these people want to be coddled, and told that it isn't "their fault" that they are emotional eaters. So how do we advise or help these people?

---

[chunt]

I would say a hobby that keeps your hands busy that you enjoy is a good outlet, thats what I did to help me stop smoking -- I took up knitting. Next thing I knew., I didnt want to get up to have a snack or a cigarette until I finished whatever I was working on and have beautiful afghans that I've given to family and have in my house. 

I would think for emotional eaters if they know they have the problem thats the first step. If I'm feeling crappy or pissed off and I take a walk or do step aerobics and stomp around it helps and makes me happier. 

I think to people look at food as good food or bad food and use it as a reward system and is counter productive, getting a new pair of shoes or hair/nails done after losing x amount of weight is a better reward than a "cheat" day. I would say its better to look at calories like a budget. So if someone brought donuts to the office and you ate one, so what, walk an extra 3 blocks and go about your business instead of feeling terrible or naughty. 

[smhermione]

Just keep in mind that if it is someone else doing the emotional eating you need to be careful with how you help.  I've had problems emotionally eating out of boredom and loneliness and if my mom or someone tried to "help" me I think it would just give me one more thing to emotionally eat about (i.e. "Everyone thinks I'm fat... blah, blah, blah. Stupid internal monolougue!).  Just... be careful.  Think about what the root of their emotional trigger is.  Maybe a better idea is to find non-food centric activities to have fun and make life less about when they're going to eat next.  Just my two cents...

[FitDiitz]

Great topic!  Here's a tip all of us can benefit from when it comes to eating.  Write this up and put it on the fridge or pantry:  

       Bored?

       Angry?

       Tired?

        Sad?

       Anxious?

       Hungry?

Obviously you can change what's on the list, particularly if you know what your emotional triggers are.

Read my blog at Fitditz.com

[steff]

The best way to fight emotional eating is with a timer!  Doesn't matter if it's on a watch, on the stove or a kitchen one.  When the emotions come, set the timer for 5 minutes and do something else.  When the timer goes off, ask yourself if you are hungry, if you really want to eat the ______ , and if it will serve your goals of today, tomorrow or the rest of your life.  Then, have a cold glass of water and enjoy not caving into the need.  Afterall; Food is fuel, not friends.

[FitDiitz]

The timer is a great idea.  I find a 5-minute meditation helps tremendously.  Lots available on the internet.

[nottaken101]

I agree that people's well-meaning efforts to help often do more harm than good.

If the emotional eating is disrupting relationships because it's making someone excessively needy, I'd suggest that the person go to a therapist or a nutrionalist. In other words, let a professional handle the problem.

If it's an issue that just bothers you and not the emotional eater, I wouldn't say anything unless asked for advice.

That's my two cents.

[Inga]

I suggest that they check out the OA materials The recovery group is a fantastic resource, they can join meetings online, email loops, etc. and get real support from others dealing with just that issue. http://www.therecoverygroup.org/trg.html

[HyacinthMrgn]

The most effective thing I did to stop eating emotionally was to eat at set times so I wasn't eating for any other reason than it was time to eat.

[WOLFMAN225]

First off, "coddling" is the absolute worst thing anyone can do to help a friend/loved one who is medicating themselves with comfort food.  That simply reinforces the connection in their mind between their emotional issue and the food they've chosen as a palliative.  To be blunt, it IS their fault.  No one is holding them down and forcing that Hostess cake down their throat, no one is jamming a funnel in their mouth and pouring chocolate milkshakes.  It comes down to a choice.  Nothing more, nothing less.

If they are truly unable to deal with their emotional baggage, as opposed to simply being lazy and wanting the results of weight loss without any effort, then they may need professional counseling to help them address the real issues that are holding them back.  The over eating is just a symptom, it's not the problem.

For the casual snacker, the "unconscious eater", the best solution is one mentioned earlier.  You need some activity that will keep you engaged and occupied.  Ideally, something that keeps your hands busy and your mind distracted.   Most of us tend to grab for the snack food when we're bored or engaged in some minimal activity that doesn't demand a lot of attention.  For example:  have you ever been so engrossed in an activity that you simply "forget to eat"?  On the other hand, how much popcorn do you really consume when you're on the couch watching you favorite sitcom or Netflix movie?  How about snacks at your last Super Bowl party?

Wherever we start out, we are there becaue we put ourselves there.  It's the same for where we end up.

[JohnDia75]

I would like to agree and disagree with Wolfman 225. I agree that our goal is to take responsibility for our habits, eating habits which are making us miserable if not threating our lives. However in doing so one needs to be as kind with one's self or one's intimates as possible. I read earlier in this or another related thread that emotional eating is complicated. This I'll heartily endorse and I'd hasten to add that there is little we do in our human lives that has much to do with survival. By this I will suggest that none of us humans looks at food in the was a squirel or pigeon might. We are complex and are governed by forces well to the side of our rational minds. It seems unfair to intimate that the majority of us can manage our emotional landscape in such a way that we anything like precise control of ourselves and lives seems a bit simplistic. Fitbit is exciting to me because I like watching the data unfold around my goals. I do think paying this close attention to what I am doing with myself physically will help me. Still I am not positive that I will not be staring into the refridgerator late tonight as I often do. Anyone who feels that speaking with a professional about the reasons for their eating difficulties already has a great deal of courage and should follow that impluse.    

[LewWagner]

Tough love?  Seriously...

It's all well and good to have friends who will "help" you...but not do it for you.

The person has to toughen up mentally and motivationally.  They have to "want" to get healthy, again.

Sorry if I offend any delicate sensibilities here, but jeez, you either want to take charge of your life or go down that dark path to a sadder life.

Also, if the person doesn't have the will to do this, what happens when the support "posse" isn't around to nuture?  I imagine that person binges, again.

They need to stop blaming everything else for their problems.  It's no one else's fault but themselves. 

I think once they've accepted the above harsh realities, they can begin to move forward.  Otherwise, molly coddling them is not the way to go.  That's why they binge when they feel the pressure is too great....

Lew

[Maxit]

"Emotional eating" works, that is why people continue to employ that particular coping mechanism.  There is a brain response to carbohydrates :  http://www.foodnavigator-usa.com/R-D/Study-links-eating-high-GI-carbs-to-stimulation-of-addiction-ce...  

I would suggest that finding healthier alternatives to over-eating involves recognizing the emotions that are occurring & "urge surfing" the trigger to use food as mood regulation, and looking into alternatives that will work for individuals.  There will not be a one-size-fits-all solution.

[smhermione]

I think emotional eating is a problem that doesn't have a one time fix.  It is constantly making the decision to ignore the urge to use food to solve the problem/emotion you are feeling or find different activities to distract yourself from that urge.  It doesn't work 100% of the time.  Just this weekend I had a day where I was bored and upset about God knows what and the feeling didn't go away until I gorged on carbs in the form of spaghetti.  Once in a while, it works.  If it is everyday, you need to find other options for coping mechanisms and that will be different for everyone.

[birdy77]

Emotional eating comes in many forms. Its not always about running to food for comfort. Many times it relates directly to the hectic lifestyles that many people lead. Dealing with the normal pressures of life are hard enough, but when you add a divorce or a baby or school or possibly all three  plus some, the priority of eating healthy just gets away from you and you gain a hundred or so pounds. That's what has happened to me. I have never been overweight in my life, actually, I was quite small. But 5 rough years got the best of me. I never wanted to be coddled I just needed time to sort things out. I'm finally at a time where I can breathe and get organized enough to lose this weight, which I have already started doing. I read somewhere that you have to fix the inside before you will see results on the outside. This has helped me to focus on what's important.  This is helping me to take the steps needed to make permanent changes in my behavior which will be reflected by my weight loss.  

[LewWagner]

Tongue-in-cheek snarky sort of reply?  Stop being so emotional...

Seriously,  such people needss to stop giving into triggers or putting themselves into situations where it's very easy to bing.  On top of that, they really should have a set response of getting angry at themselves and yanking that hand away from the fridge door handle at midnight.

You have to become a little fixated and OCD-like to overcome these learned urges.

I had to...and even though I made it, I still have to guard against lapsing back into the bad old ways.

Lew

[birdy77]

Lew,

Didn't mean it to be emotional, however it comes with the topic "emotional eaters". 🙂 That being said, I agree with you that individuals need to learn how to avoid overeating triggers. With your success at losng weight, it would be nice to learn how you avoided the triggers. Any advice would be much appreciated.