Motivation....Where do I find it?

[MissMo]

I have tried EVERYTHING that I have ever read.

Hanging an outfit on the door you want to fit back into. Didn't Work.

Picture of myself at the weight I want to be. Didn't Work.

Reminding myself of an event I want to loose weight for. Didn't Work.

Reminding myself if I didnt loose the weight there is a good chance I would have a heart attack by 40. Didn't work

Wanting to be at my target weight for those pictures to happen when he FINALLY proposes. Didn't work.

So my question is what HAS worked for you?

[Esya]

Sounds to me that it is something you feel you have to do rather than want to do. That you are lacking an internal driver to make this change. So everything related to it becomes a chore. Find a reason why you really want to do this (because you will feel better, you get to enjoy your family more etc.). Try to find motivation within yourself rather than external.

I feel hanging an outfit that you have to fit into on the door is rather punishing, because it hangs there like a threat: you better fit into me or else. And every day you don't fit into it, you feel bad about it. Every day you don't look like that picture, you feel bad about it. Events are just moment, they come and go.

I wonder how your self-esteem is? Are you happy with who you are as a person? And do you believe that you are important enough to spend time and energy on yourself?

There will be days you struggle, but remember that does not mean you cannot have a good day tomorrow. Tomorrow is another opportunity to make the right choices for yourself!

When you find this inner motivation and find ways to make it fun, it gets easier. When you find foods that are healthy and you enjoy it becomes fun. When you find exercise that you enjoy (doesn't have to be sports, could be dancing, playing with kids in the family, walking pets etc.). Maybe some music that gets you moving. The future is not here yet, so it should be fun now.

And I believe you deserve it to make this change for you!

[A_Lurker]

Honestly, if I thought of a target weight I'd probably stop right now.  Even down from my top weight (407) to where I was Sunday (257) it still leaves me with a lot of weight to lose.  Actually I don't even have a goal weight.  Just start making your changes and here a goal (if you must).

Be lighter a month from now than you are today.

Setting an aggressive goal can work for some but can completely derail another person.  Let's say you want to lose 20 pounds by a certain date which means you need to lose 2 lbs a week.  The first week you lose 1, then the next week another 1.  Rather than take joy in losing 2 pounds you suddenly obsess about not reaching your 20 pound goal in time.  What does it matter in the long run.

1 lb/week   ---> 52 pounds in a year

The single pound feels like a failure, especially in the 'drop pounds fast' mentality that we as a society has developed.  Enjoy the smaller losses as you know something, they add up.

[AndyDandyPandy]

Don't rely on motivation. Motivation can only get you so far. Motivation doesn't last. If you depend on motivation to push you then you will fail when you lack any more motivation. 

[Sarmina]

Honestly, it is not about motivation. Your are probably addicted to unhealthy food both physically and emotionally.  They put so much sugar inside and do RESEARCH to find out how to keep people buying more and more. Food companies are making big money from people like you who can't seem to stay away. I know because my weakness is sugar, so many times have tried to give it up but I just couldn't. Food and sugar addiction are like a other addictions, you have to work very hard and feel horrible while avoiding them. Feel-good motivation lasts a day or two, after you just fight with yourself and it's not pleasant and uplifting. The good part? The less unhealthy food you eat, the less you crave it, but this happens after time. And it is at this part (once you have overcome the hardest part) that you feel happy and motivated cause you see results and feel so much better. But you have to get there first. Right now give up all junk food, only eat lean and clean meats and salads. Be prepared to not feel motivated and happy, but focus on coming out stronger.
P.S. A friend of mine who lost more than 50lbs shared this video and wrote that so many girls keep asking her how she found motivation - she didn't and this video illustrates why motivation is BS: https://www.facebook.com/millennialsdigest/?hc_ref=NEWSFEED

[TashaL]

I agree with a lot of the replies already - motivation only lasts so long, but without it I find it very difficult to keep going! I have a picture of myself before i started to lose weight (about 18 months ago!) and i now take regular photos in my sports bra and shorts (unflattering but they won't be eventually!) every 2-3 months so i can really see a difference each time. I think its really easy to want to take pictures more often but i think this starts to demotivate you if you can't see much changing.  I used to be quite conscious of my weight too, but I do Strength and Conditioning classes three times a week so i am building a lot of muscle - ultimately my weight has stopped changing! I'd recommend taking measurements rather than relying on weight as progress but again don't get in to the habit of doing this too often or you won't see much change!

I'm currently finding it difficult to keep going - comfort food in winter is too easy to fall back on, but then i just try and remember how amazing i felt last summer when i put shorts on from 2015 and they were TOO BIG!!!! Ive never felt so good - so now I'm working towards that feeling again this summer 🙂

I hope you find something that works for you!

[Dave001]

I'm about 12kg (26lbs) down on where I was on 1 Jan this year.

I'm still 40kg (88lbs) overweight, but rather than focussing on how far I've got to go, I'm thinking about how far I've come. My target weight however is not my goal. My goal is to live a long and happy life without illness, in which I'm able to fully engage in the activities that I wish to pursue. 

My goal therefore is not 90kg, my goal is good health.

My motivation is health. My tool for reaching it is not the same as my motivation.

I keep my motivation at the back of my mind, but my main instrument of change is self-discipline.

I've set myself some "rules". Not many. But I've set them. They're realistic and achievable. I've written them in my diary. I read them everyday. 

1. Move more. At least 10,000 steps/day. Record all exercise in your diary. 

2. Eat better. Try to stick to a Mediterranean diet. Record everything you eat in your diary. 

3. Congratulate yourself when you have a good day. 

4. Don't beat yourself up when you have a bad day. Just acknowledge that it's been a bad day and move forward. 

5. Be happy!

I'm one of those people who likes rules. And routine. Now I'm in to the swing of adopting my new lifestyle, it's my self-discipline, not my motivation that keeps me going. I like rule 3 days better than rule 4 days!

My advice for anyone would be to become more mindful. Think about who you are, what you want and how best to get yourself there.

And remember that rule 5 is always the most important. Always. No exceptions. 

[Bhuvana]

Hi @MissMo: It's not all about motivation. It's about what you want to do it for. I mentioned in another post that I want to be healthy for my family who depend on me. So when you feel that, you will have that internal drive. If you figure out that puzzle, you are on your way for success. 

Good luck

Bhuvana

[OddLynn]

I have to admit, at one time or another, I too have done all those things in my life. However, what finally worked for me was doing it for me and only me. 

The outfit won't work if you don't like the color or the shape or whatever. You have to want to get into it. I obviously didn't.

I normally hated the events I wanted to wow people at, so why would I try? 

The heart thing has worked to a point on me because people in my family die of heart disease BUT we all gotta go sometime. 

And if he doesn't like me when he proposes, no matter what I look like, why the heck did he propose for anyway?

Those things don't matter. What matters is what you want and why. If you truly want weight loss because you want all those things for yourself, then you're ready. If you are doing it for any other reason than you, you aren't. You need to do this for you. Because you want to be happy. Because you want to be healthy. Because you want to be a role model for your daughter and to let her know you think enough of yourself to be who you want to be.

Yes, it is hard because as women we've been told all our lives that our identity is all wrapped up in family and everything outside of us because they matter more. All motivation has to come from within because it's how we see ourselves. It is easier to go with the flow and make others happy because we don't have to think about us so much. 

As I got older, I started to think more about me and how I wanted to be here for family and the things I wanted to do. Can't do them if I'm unhealthy or not happy. And that's when I realized I had to do this for me. Not the kids or the husband or any other reason. If I'm around longer, they'll be good with it. Think positive things. Read positive affirmations and know they are true.

Good luck and remember, it can be all about you in a good way.

[LilLash]

I think a lot of it also has to do with willpower and habit forming.

You have a limited amount of willpower, and if you use it up, you just don't have any left until you refill it.

If you want to change everything your willpower pool will get used up pretty quick. For example, if you normally have a doughnut for breakfast, fast food for lunch, and pizza takeout for dinner, and spend your free time just laying in bed reading or watching tv, then trying to change it all to a smoothie for breakfast, salad for lunch, and chicken and veggies for dinner and exercising for an hour at night is going to use up all your willpower in about a day and a half.

So, you need to start a little bit at a time. Maybe just change to eating smoothies for breakfast. Then, once it becomes a habit, you don't need your willpower pool anymore. You can move onto something else.

Motivation starts you on the change, but you have to have willpower to fuel you until it's a habit. 

Sometimes, building in "cheat" days/times helps. Planning ahead makes that easier. For myself, when I wanted to switch to smoothies for breakfast instead of doughnuts or muffins, I planned on treating myself with a big breakfast of biscuits and gravy or a fried egg sandwich with bacon every Saturday to help power me through. Now that it's a habit, I don't even think about eating something other than a smoothie for breakfast even on Saturdays except rarely. I moved on to taking my lunch to work, and not I'm working on eliminating take out for dinner. It's taken a while, but each gradual step has helped me.

Mostly, though, you may want to make sure that: 1) you actually want to make the change (for example, I hate swimming for exercise, so trying to get the willpower to do that is an utter failure for me, but I love running outside, so that helped), 2) you actually want to make the change for you (I once lost 30 lbs to look great at an ex's wedding, and then promptly gained it all back. That goal went away, but I'm also here, and I'm the only one whose always going to be here); and 3) you have the emotional resources to make that happen. 

I suffer from depression, and until I got that under control, I really couldn't make a lasting change. Take care of yourself first. The rest will follow.