When to be done?

[tamado]

After getting a fitibit in early September, I spent a few weeks looking at the cool dashboard and congratulating myself for the number of steps I do in a day because of a very active job.  After a few weeks, I thought I should maybe make some life changes and see if better diet with my activity level would translate to weight loss.  I actually didn’t have a decent bathroom scale at the time so I am not 100% sure of my starting weight.  I was about somewhere between 265 and 270 so I have set my info to 265 so I don’t feel like I am cheating with my loss numbers. 

On September 27th, I decided I should be done drinking pop.  I would start there.  I wasn’t “dieting”, I was just removing that one thing.  Over the following weeks, I started trying to eat healthier.  I cooked more and ate out less.  I worked at eliminating my near daily fast food stops while I was on deliveries, but at first I just ordered the same meals with a bottle of water. 

On November 4th, I decided to start logging my food intake on the fitibit app.  While I was already making an effort to eat less and eat healthier, I was coming in around 2300-2400 calories/day.  I did the plan on fitbit and decided I needed to lower that.  I started reducing my intake and then I started paying more attention to what my daily calories are made of.  When you are only allowing yourself 1500 calories a day and you are 265lbs and active, you better make sure those calories count.  I started to not eat anything that didn’t benefit me and give me energy to take on the day.  I try to have an even lower calorie count when I am more sedentary on weekends.  This was translating to weight loss, but I still didn’t have a decent scale.   On November 25th, I went for a physical and discovered I was 246 lbs!  This was about a 20lb loss and I was just really starting to try.  I found that incredibly motivating to keep going so I bought a scale and set a goal weight of 225lbs.  It seemed like a nice round number and it seemed attainable.  

On Christmas eve I was able to weigh in at 227lbs, just shy of my goal and facing four days of Christmas dinners and family visiting complete with chocolates and lethargy.  I was truly afraid of myself.  I had worked too hard to screw this up over Christmas.  I set my resolve to remain diligent.  At our first family dinner, there was no salad and the hot vegetable was forgotten.  This normally would not have upset me, it just wasted plate space anyway.  As I looked at the table I nearly teared up – I felt like there was nothing for me to eat.  I took a good portion of Turkey as I was fine with lean protein and a bit of dressing – one of my favorite things in the world.  I politely declined the rest.  I passed on dessert, I ended the day feeling some relief and guilt and shame free.  The next day was another Christmas dinner which included my sister who herself has lost 70lbs and kept about 65 of them off.  She does yoga and I finally understand why she volunteers to bring the salad – so that there is something there to feel good about eating.  I ate a nice meal balanced with protein, produce and modest amount of healthy carbs.  Three days later we returned home and I was thrilled to have shed another two pounds that week.

I have come in to January on a high.  I have needed to replace a lot of my pants and I am a little worried about my expensive Harley riding gear for this summer but I am really feeling and seeing the difference.  At 208lbs today, I am three lbs away from no longer being obese on the BMI scale.  I have lost 57 lbs to date and I feel great.  People are starting to ask me if I’m “done’.  I am hearing words like “wasting away”.  I want to dismiss the BMI as irrelevant and out of date.  At this point, no one would blame me for saying I had come far enough. 

The fact is, I don’t feel done, but I am tempted to say good enough.  I am currently the renovated living room with no baseboards.  The rebuilt Camaro with sun bleached interior.  I look finished to a lot of people, but I know there is work left to do.  The BMI wants me to be 170lbs to not be overweight anymore and right now I feel like I would be too thin at that, but when I started, that’s what I thought 225 would look like.  I am determined that I am not dieting, I have changed my lifestyle.  That said, at some point I will have to increase my calorie consumption to a reasonable level and have the occasional indulgence.  In the last month, I have eaten one cookie, one piece of birthday cake and one cupcake – that’s it for junk.  I don’t feel like I am missing out but it is nice to be able to participate a little more often.  I am terrified to give myself a little more slack.  I have been obese for most of my life and I am thrilled to be close to being “overweight” (how sad is that?).  I will not go back.

So, how do I know when I am done?  What is my “last five pounds”?  Do I go by people’s perceptions of me?  By the BMI?  I so honestly don’t know.  I want to be healthy, I want to be fit, I want to be mobile and participate with my family.

[Raviv]

I get what you mean.  If I go to some websites and type in my data, it says I should try to be 125 pounds, which is ridiculous for me.  I have been 125 pounds, and it was when I was 14 years old.  Even at that age, I looked unbearably thin.  A year later, I became an athlete, immediately gained 5 pounds and looked/felt healthier at 130 pounds.  Now, at age 51, I think 140-145 looks a lot better on me.

But it's really not up to your friends and family.  They're concerned because you probably don't look like the old you anymore.  So you don't look like yourself (in their eyes), and that's disturbing to them.  It may feel like something is wrong.

As far as when you should stop - I'm not sure you really ever "stop" because you should still be eating good quality foods in reasonable amounts no matter what your weight.  You could ditch the caloric deficit and just rein it in a bit when you see the scale go up, but it's still eating healthy food and moving more than most of us are inclined to when left to our own devices.

[josephz2va]

I would continue to keep up the good work. For many, it's life. I once gave up that cost me a lot of progress. I was 302 and dropped to 217 today. My lowest was 170 but I fell of the wagon for a while. Don't give up is my suggestion. My ultimate goal is to be good looking and lose the gut. To reach 150 lbs and 8%. Some people told me to quit because I was beginning to look unhealthy. I'm ignoring them because my goal is to be good looking.

[JohnRi]

First all remember you weight is just a number.  It's not a 100% guarantee your are healthy or not.  Yeah if you are 100 lbs over weight that's a clear sign!  For Example, not everyone at 6 foot tall weighing 184 lbs would be a healthy weight.  Even though on the BMI they would just be in the "Normal" range.  Your fat percentage, your body structure, whether you are broad shoulders, size 8 feet or size 12 feet... 

There is no magic number, weight, or BMI.  You can use these as rough guidelines as ROUGH guidelines. 

Take a look at your fitness level, your body's frame, the size of the clothes you wear.  How do you feel?  What is your blood pressure, cholestal numbers, etc. 

You have already done the hard part.  You have changed your lifestyle.  So many go on crazy fad diets, only to gain all back.  Why because they haven't changed their lifestyle. 

Continue eating right.  My nutrionist would stress 3 meals, and snacks between meals. 

Yes at some point you will have to raise your calorie count.  But that doesn't mean eating double cheeseburgers...  (My personal demon food!)  but you can have nuts, fruit, etc as snacks. 

Talk with you doctor, and if you can a nutrionist.  They can help figure out a more realistic ideal weight for your height and build.

But great job losing the weight.  I'm on a similar journey down 31 lbs...  66 lbs to go.  And like you my ideal BMI is 184 lbs.  I can't imagine being that small.  I was 281 lbs.... 

I have that as my goal, but will see...  I remember being 195 lbs and being pretty **ahem** fit then...

Keep moving!!!

[WendyB]

You have done excellent! Congrats!

I agree you are never really done. But I would asl your DR what your best weight should be and then decided for your self what you want it to be.

[KimShea]

I want to chime in with ask a doctor and/or a dietitian.  They will have other factors than a number on a scale or a BMI chart that will be much more indicative of whether or not you are "healthy."  They can give you a much more clear and comprehensive idea of where you "should" be and what you should be shooting for.  Personally I'm going for the "healthy" bmi range.  But this is due to a lot of conversations with my dietitian over a number of years.

[tamado]

This was mainly blogging but I was looking for feedback too.  Thanks for your responses, I needed a nudge.  I booked a Dr. appointment for next week 🙂

[WendyB]

Let us know what he says!

[tamado]

So I got some good news and some sobering thoughts at the Doctor yesterday.  We reveiwed my lab results from my physical a few months back and everything was excellent.  My cholestoral, ECG, kidney and liver function (that guy's a trooper), no diabetic indicators but then we talked about weight loss.  We agreed that the 180-185 range is probably a good size for my body (BMI says 170 but I think that's too low for me) but then he started talking statistics.  
He said that 96% of people who lose significant weight return to their original weight or add more within two years.  In order to be successful long term, I have to be among the 4% of people who continute their commitment to health.  I went home and pondered this and found it daunting.  He basically told me that if I eat the things I used to I'll be able to hear myself gaining weight (hyperbole).  He told me that my body will spend the rest of my life trying to fill the fat cells that I have emptied.  They are still there, I am just using the fat reserves in the cells.  The body wants to fill them as an evolutionary survival technique and our North American diet is a great way to do that.  So, a lifetime seems too long to commit.  I thought back to quitting tobacco nine years ago and remembered "one day at a time".  I don't have to make great food choices for a lifetime, just for today and maybe plan for tomorrow too.  Forever is too hard to imagine and too defeating.  So, I will eat healhty today, and try to make that choice every day.  That's why it's a journey.

[Raviv]

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@tamado wrote:

He told me that my body will spend the rest of my life trying to fill the fat cells that I have emptied.  They are still there, I am just using the fat reserves in the cells.  The body wants to fill them as an evolutionary survival technique and our North American diet is a great way to do that.  So, a lifetime seems too long to commit.  I thought back to quitting tobacco nine years ago and remembered "one day at a time".  I don't have to make great food choices for a lifetime, just for today and maybe plan for tomorrow too.  Forever is too hard to imagine and too defeating.  So, I will eat healhty today, and try to make that choice every day.  That's why it's a journey.

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Eh... maybe.  Honestly, your body also has a tendency to accept whatever the new normal is.  You just have to work a little harder to maintain for a couple of years, and then you still do have to work to maintain, but it should get easier as time goes on.  Your body adjusts and your habits get more solidly entrenched.

[awood08]

I feel in the same shoes as you. My "ideal" weight by BMI standards is in the 140-150 range. I"m currently 171 and while i'm still "overweight" I'm in the best shape of my life. At 26 I feel better than I did at 16. I have run 2 5k's and I'm training for a 10k. I'm the smallest i've ever been in a size 8. My doctor is absolutely please with my progress and has advised me that loosing 10 more pounds won't hurt but where I'm at now is ideal for me.

She also brought up the long term mindset and that to maintain my healthy lifestyle and weight I would need to continue my healthy food intake and regular excercise. I'm afraid I'll be stuck wearing this Fitbit and logging everything that I eat and drink for the rest of my life. Now I feel the same as you, take each day 1 at a time and go forward from there. Thinking long term is great but when it comes to weight loss I find day to day is much more realistic.

[JohnRi]

Yep.  The thing about weight loss if you have to change what you eat FOREVER.  I've changed my diet about 67% of eat.  The last 33% are in smaller portions.  I will never return to double and tripple cheese burgers.  Half pound, 3/4 pound burgers are a thing of the past.  If I want to keep the weight off, I will never be able to return to old habits.  I will have to stick with my healthier eating habits forever.  I will never eat a 3000 calorie meal again. 

Let me tell you a story.  About 20 years ago, my father was working for a friend, and the friend had a son.  The son was a alcoholic.  He got very sick, and went to the doctor.  The doctor told him if he ever drank again, he would die.  The guy asked the doctor how long he had to stay sober before he could drink again.  The doctor said, liston you idiot, you can NEVER drink again or you will die.  Well the guy stayed sober for a few weeks...  Then one night he got drunk...  and died....

While my doctor wasn't as bleak as that we me, he did tell me that if I didn't change my diet, lower my cholesterol, lower my blood pressure, and loose weight, I was going to die in 10 years...  I took his words to heart while remembering the story from my father.  Today my blood pressure is normal, my cholestol is normal/low, I've lost 33 lbs...  63 to go...  I've change my diet forever.  I'm not going back to eating 3 hot dogs, a pot of macaroni and cheese, to tripple cheeseburgers....  A LARGE pizza with all the meats...   Those unhealthy days are behind me. 

So don't look at it like you have to make great choices, look at it that great choices are what you eat today.  Those bad choices you are done with those.  Do be the guy who wants to drink, be the guy who wants to be healthy, and going back, not an option...

Right now I'm eating too few calories.  Way too few.  750 is my goal in Fitbit, and on some days I get close to that, but on most days, I'm 750-1000 lower than that.  There been a few burned 4000, ate 2000 days.  Once I get to my goal weight, I plan to increase my calories to around 2000-2200, and my goal then will be to maintain my weight.  I plan to reduce every other day walks from 4-5 miles to 2 or 3.  Or maybe just daily walks of 1 to 2 miles...  I find that I'm already having to INCREASE my diet, as clearly I'm not eating enough calories.  But I'm already at 1/3 of the way to goal, planning for the end.  I figure I'll have to make adjustments to my diet as I get closer and closer to goal.   I'm looking forward to the end of weight loss, and then on with the rest of a healthy life...

Keep at it man.  You already did the hard part.  Dropping the weight.  Stick with it, and you'll be fine.

[Mukluk4]

Just like everything else in life, you've got to balance the "what you need to do" with the "what you want to do".  

As an example, I love basketball but I'm not good enough to get paid for it.  So I need to work full time to pay for the house/kids/cars/etc and find the time to play ball.

Some days you are just going to have the donut, the extra slice of pizza, or another beer at the ball park, there is nothing wrong with that and you can still meet all your health goals  (check The Rock's epic cheat days on Twitter if you don't believe me).  

Lastly, you are done when you are at a spot where you are ready to be done.  Be that looking like The Rock, Fight Club Brad Pitt, every day Joe, or Dad-Bod.  

[tamado]

These are some awesome replies.  Thank you all, you have all given me something to think about.  I know the words you are saying is true, but hearing them in community drives them home.

I agree that certain things are over (eating large pizzas, giant burgers with fries and cokes, huge desserts, etc).  I can still eat some of those items in moderation, but along side a nice salad and a fraction of them.  I am learning to enjoy things when I eat some of it, not all of it.  I also want to be completely done with pop.  I did it with nicotine, I can do it with pop.  I have not touched a drop in about four months and I really do not miss it but I feel if I let it back in my life, it will take over again.  I drink water 99% of the time and have a nice cup of coffee in the morning and an herbal tea in the evening.  I've gotten all fancy and if I want a cocktail, it's whiskey on the rocks (no cigars though...).  
Life is different, life is good.  Food is just fuel and there are other sources of pleasure in life.  
Thanks again everyone.

[Raviv]

I rarely drink sodas anymore, even when I get in the groove of eating other crappy foods.

At one point, when I was low carb, I was driving around in my work truck, drinking Perrier and eating pork rinds.  I was the most high-falootin redneck around!

But what I'm trying to say is that anything you do for a while eventually becomes your new normal.  You don't have to even think about it anymore, it's just who you are.

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@tamado wrote:

Food is just fuel and there are other sources of pleasure in life.

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And that's kind of the thing - you have to change your mindset.  Replace it with something else that's good for you - books, music, walks, playing with an animal, whittling, going for a ride - whatever makes you happy.