Advice for encouraging the morbidly obese

[Daves_Not_Here]

I have a sensitive situation -- I have a coworker who weighs over 400 pounds and who has developed enough trust in me that I'm able to influence him in various areas, such as improving his job performance, attitude, etc., and more so than anyone else in the office. I'm feeling that if anyone could influence him to take action on his health and weight, it's probably me.

Obviously, the subject of his weight and health is personal and broaching it with him in a workplace setting may not be advisable from an HR risk perspective; however, I'm not his supervisor and I'm sure I would handle it delicately enough to not cause offense.

My question is, what is the best advice to give someone who is this obese as to the first steps they ought to consider (assuming they are open to hearing it)?  I'm interested in hearing from anyone who has either been this obese themselves, or has known someone like this who has successfully improved their situation.  Thanks for any help!

[kaneohegirl]

ok being as I have been at 380lbs I feel I can talk... I tried it all, walking, weights, swimming diets, portion control weightloss drugs NOTHING worked I might loose 10lbs but then Id gain 5lbs then loose 10lbs then gain 10 lbs... nothing could consistently keep it off. I finally gave up and went to a Bariatric Dr. I had Gastric Sleeve surgery about a year ago I have lost 145lbs and am still loosing.

I never minded anyone trying to help me to make changes or motivating me to get moving I knew the weight had to come off... but my body just could not do it.

They have found that ppl like me who have this type of surgery tend to loose the weight and most do keep it off unless they have a major stressor that contribute to them stress eating then its about addressing the psychological reason for the eating and get back on track generally the weight starts to fall off again.
ppl with diabetes their diabetes almost reverses its self within days of the surgery and they do not yet fully understand the reason why for this yet. blood pressure goes down as the weight does. Risk of heart attack is reduced as weight drops as well as risk of cancer. sleep apnea reverses 100% with the weight loss

talk to him offer to go on walks at lunch sometimes a friend is a true motivator...possibly broach bariatric surgery esp if its covered by you companies medical insurance

[Razzledog]

Excellent and thoughtful post. Thank you for sharing! It gives me insight tomworking and speaking with others empathetically.

[DuckandElf]

@Daves_Not_Here   It's so awesome that you care about your coworker.  Truly it is.  In October of 2018, I lost my mother.  She had a slew of diseases that NOW I know could have been prevented by simply changing her diet years ago.  Why I never heard of this before, I just don't know and when I think somewhere down her long road of illness and suffering, not one doctor said to her... Let's look at your diet.  You can change this.  Breaks my heart.  Her loss is great, but her loss is also the reason I began searching for a different way to live.  I stumbled onto two documentaries, Forks Over Knives and Eating You Alive. (Netflix and my library). Because of these films, in November 2019, I decided to change my diet to a Whole Foods Plant Based Diet.  The research is valid and that is a big deal for me.  I didn't change so I could wear a smaller pants size. I changed because I knew my life needed a reality check and a major shift.... or I would likely finish my life as my mother did... With Diabetes, high blood pressure, and maybe fatty liver disease.  

It's been a journey, not always easy but always worth it. And I know I'm still a baby to this way of life.  But I no longer am pre-diabetic, blood pressure is great and the weight is coming off.  But it wasn't because I wanted to lose weight or look good, it was because my health demanded a change.

It's never easy to approach this with anyone, but when you care for others you do things.  The one thing I've realized (and love) since starting my journey is that the more I learn the more I care about others who face these same challenges, just like your coworker.  Jeff and I tell everyone about how WFPB has changed our lives and tell them about the documentaries. I've come to love people more and care deeply about their health.  Maybe there's a way to introduce him to these films. 

I know I'll likely get replies that a plant based diet is this or is that.  But I believe in the research and believe in the doctors that support it.  And when all else fails... If a diet can not only prevent, but reverse certain chronic illnesses, why not consider it?  I don't know the best answer on approaching him with this, but my heart is touched by his life and what I know he will likely encounter later on if something doesn't change.  I just want to at least share the information, then you or he or anyone reading this can decide if a WFPB is right for them.  You and he will be in my thoughts and I hope it works out such that you can offer him the support he needs to make a step in the right direction.  Resources to mention:  Drs. Caldwell Esselstyn, Michelle McMacken, Michael Greger, T. Colin Campbell, and Dean Ornish; also Rip Esselstyn

[Everlight8]

My best advice is: don't give advice (my own assertion, acknowledged and ignored).

Your coworker/friend/mentee is, as others have said, quite aware of their size. 400# doesn't go unnoticed by the person carrying it around. Trust me on that. The best thing to do may be to simply engage them in opportunities to be more social, more active/engaged, and perhaps model your own healthy behaviors around them. Talk openly, but not pointedly, about changes you are making in your own life- even if they are not exactly the same. If that type of relationship doesn't feel safe, authentic, genuine and sustainable to you,  then truly, and respectfully, I would not even approach the subject. It's like having someone flay you open, without sticking around to stitch you back up...situations like that send a person back out into this beautiful and gut-wrenching world without their armor intact...bleeding out.

I guess I am saying, i think we (helpers and healers) need to be mindful of how much intimacy we presume with others- it is a responsibility not to be taken lightly. Ones deepest insecurities and fears, should be OFF LIMITS for casual (even if concerned) inquiry, unless you are a very present, engaging, trusted, supportive, reliable friend...or their therapist. My opinion and perspective only, but it comes from lived experience, and might be food for thought...

Healthy doesn't have a weight, and likewise, unhealthy exists across the scale. Moving toward wellness is the ideal direction, for every one of us...especially successful when we are ready and have support. The only way forward is through. 

Best wishes to you both! Be well.